Cornerstones of Recovery: Individual and Community Relationships

The following podcast is part of the Mind, Body, Spirit dot fm podcast network. Welcome, Welcome to our award winning podcast, Mental Health, Hope and Recovery. I'm Helen Sneed and I'm Valerie Milburn. We both have fought and overcome severe chronic mental illnesses. Our podcast offers a unique approach to mental health conditions. We use practical skills, guest experts, and inspirational true stories of recovery. Our knowledge is up close and personal. Helen and I are your peers. We're not doctors, therapists, or social workers. We're not professionals, but we are experts. We are experts in our own lived experience with multiple mental health diagnoses and symptoms. Please join us on our journey. We live in recovery, so can you. This podcast does not provide medical advice. The information presented is not intended to be as substitute for, or relied upon as medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The podcast is for informational purposes only. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any health related questions you may have. Welcome to episode sixty four Cornerstones of Recovery, Individual and community Relationships last week was Valentine's Day. Now, for those of us in romantic relationships, it can mean chocolate and roses, But for many people Valentine's is kind of depressing because they find themselves alone. Well, I've been on both sides of the day and find that it reminds me most not of romance, but of friendship, all the other kinds of enduring relationships in my life that make me rich beyond measure. So today I'm delighted that we're going to delve into these indispensable relationships through the years. Five years ago, our third, fourth, fifth, and sixth episodes were about relationships. Throughout the other fifty nine episodes, we have dealt with relationships and their roles in mental health recovery virtually every time. I know the significance of individual and community relationships has taken on increasing meaning in my life, especially now as I live in recovery and understand my deep, abiding need for human contact. Edith Wharton once said there are two ways of spreading light, to be the candle. Or the mirror that reflects it. One powerful gift of friendship is that a person can have the chances to be the candle sometimes and the mirror. Other times, relationships can expand our ability to spread light. Now, although I didn't send you chocolates, Valerie, and I'm very sorry, our relationship of ten years is something to start with. Let's look at the beginning. Well, you don't need to give me chocolates for me to know how much you love me, Helen. So our relationship started when we met at a National Alliance on Mental Illness volunteer training and we hit it off right away. I don't even remember what we talked about, but I do remember telling my husband when I got home that night about the funny and smart woman I had met at training that day. And then, you know, Helen, we made an intimate connection just right off the bat. Really in the first few days of knowing each other. Somehow we figured out that you had gone to elementary, middle and high school with my husband's brother. But what you didn't know is that his brother had died thirty years previously, and sharing our stories about Michael gave us this personal connection. Well he was a wonderful guy. Yeah. It was great, Yeah, great to make that connection and tell those stories. And then we became key volunteers when we finished that training. Over the next couple of years, we became key volunteers for NAMI together and in many roles as volunteers, I taught my first NOAMI peer to peer class series with you, and you had already taught those classes, thank goodness. And you were a big support because peer to peer is a challenging class to teach, both intellectually and emotionally challenging, and being co leaders for peer to peer classes forged another level of connection between We then went on to write. Now it was hardly fair because I mean you were a teacher, so you were a. Natural well, thank you. Yes, I had been a high school teacher. But you know you will agree that is an emotionally charged role to lead that peer to peer class. It was, and it was also so fulfilling. It was the students were terrific. They were. It was very fulfilling. And we went on from being that teacher, those teachers and speakers together for no MEI, we went on to write curriculum for NOMI and developed programming for NAMI. During COVID and Helen, we blew them away with how fast we turned around the task of converting an in person program into a virtual one for the COVID needs and no one was doing virtual at that time, and we were pioneers and we made a great team of doing that together. Well we did, and I think we both REALI that it was just a life raft to have a big project to do in the middle of the vacuum of the COVID isolation. It was I look on as one of the great boons of my life. Yep. Well, we kind of then segued into what I would call a supportive relationship. You know, I value you. You always had to give me rides to our speaking and teaching events if they were any place remote, because I'm a terrible driver, And it was those rides, I think, you know, where we talked about our lives and really got to know each other. That began to really make deepen things, you know. And then obviously we talked about our mental health, and through this we learned that we can rely on each other through these mental health struggles because we have so many shared aspects of our journeys. Absolutely, and our friendship blossomed from these talks about our own struggles, and they grew as we went from fellow trainees to co volunteers to these supporting roles through are common experiences and what a wonderful basis for a friendship and just a natural trajectory for our deep bond to develop. It really has been, And you know, I have never known so much about another person's battle for mental health. I mean, from symptoms and loss and the pain, through the long path to recovery and how we still have to fight for it today. I've learned the most from you, especially given the similarities and the differences we use to triumph over multiple illnesses and years of struggle. Valie, I just want you to know I can honestly say that you're one of the bravest individuals I've ever known. Well, thank you, Helen. You know you too are a warrior, and I learned even more about your battles and struggle and your ability to conquer as our journey together continued on an unexpected turn, literally out of the blue, and it led us to where we are today, sitting here recording a podcast. You got a phone call from a friend asking you at the beginning of COVID, maybe six months into COVID, asking you if you wanted to start a podcast about mental health. Which was great except of the fact that I literally had never listened to a podcast. I wasn't sure what one was, and I had no idea where to find them. And then you said to your friend, well, I won't do it without my friend, Valerie, which is just the greatest honor you could have given me. And like I said, the rest is history. And in that history, you and I have had the honor of actually winning awards for this podcast that began with you not knowing anything about a podcast and me not knowing much more. And then we had to conquer the technology. We had to conquer so much, and we did it. Here we are well, I mean, you know, we always just knew because of our success speaking to live audiences, our greatest goal was to be able to reach more people with the information they need. And so that I think we constantly struggle for and I hope that we do meet that goal some of the time at least. Yes, And you know we are now collaborators, partners, friends, and to have all these multifaceted aspects of our relationship is you know, it's really a gift. And you know, you and I have the ability to do things that I don't think most many partners have in that we can write together over the bone. I mean we can be talking while I'm typing and develop you know, really good work like that we finished each other's sentences. It's really a great collaboration. Well, I think another thing that I never want to overlook, and I know you don't is laughter. We share that, and we're under a lot of pressure some of the time. That can really influence a relationship. But somehow, not quite sure always how we can rally and find the humor and even the most trying situations. And I guess I would say our friendship has a very solid center and somehow we're always able to return to it. Yeah, I agree, And like I said, it's just something I'm very grateful for and really love looking at how it grew. And we know why our relationship is so important. And I think we want to talk in general about why are these individual and now we're going to reach into community relationships. Why are individual and community relationships so important? Well, I have this saying I like to share my mind is like a dangerous neighborhood. I shouldn't go there alone. And it's just that I need people and purpose and structure in my life. I need love in my life, and all of this is provided through individual and community relationships. You know, during our years of research, so much proof of the value of human connection can be learned from studying the brain. Now, in our episodes thirty nine and forty. On loneliness, which I really recommend. We learned that the brain demands relationships for health and a sense of safety. It's a basic human need like food and water. Connection with others literally causes the release of chemicals and hormones that foster a sense of well being and even happiness. Isolation, on the other hand, can be deadly because the brain thinks the solitary person's life is in danger literally from starvation predators. You know, early mankind survived in groups and there was little hope for someone alone out in the wilderness. Well, our brains have not changed, our society has, and with its profound impact on the brain, loneliness can cause physical as well as mental damage and the extreme lives can be cut short. That sure brings home the devastating impact of isolation on our mental health, and we seem to reference this in nearly every episode because it is that important. Yeah, as we call it the cornerstone. And when I look at my own experience, and in early episodes, I've described the crippling isolation during many years when the symptoms and anguish of the illnesses kept. Me a hermit. I literally didn't want anyone lay eyes on me because I felt I was so repulsive, and I swore that I would never let anyone for my old life see me so sick. So I was the opposite of many who struggle with isolation because of this irony. I had many wonderful relationships in my world. I always had, so when I abandoned them all and pretty much left the world, I knew what I was missing, all those great people out there, and it compounded the loneliness. When the phone rang, I never picked up. I just listened to the voice of a friend who wanted to see me go to the theater or someone's birthday party. People would say, I know you're there, please pick up. I'm worried about you, And sometimes the messages were frustrated or angry because I wouldn't even acknowledge their attempt to reach me. One time, a close friend bribed the doorman to let him up to my apartment unannounced. He rang the bell, call my name, knocked and knocked and then finally left. I was so unnerved. I hear in my bedroom the rest of the day. So there is this universal human necessity for home, family, work, community. Humanity has organized itself to serve the need for structured contact and connection with others. You know, life needs meaning and others can help us find our mission and beliefs. Okay, so we're telling you how important it is to have people in your life, and actually it's been proven scientifically. But the question is the second question is okay, so where do I find these people, especially when I'm in crisis and overwhelmed by mental health symptoms. Well, they're people everywhere, but I had to leave isolation and go out to meet them. I forced myself to go, even when I didn't want to. But if I could break out of my agoraphobia and take action, I use he felt better afterwards. You know, you actually told me that this morning when I called you and said, hey, good morning, how are you, and you said, well, if I could break out of my agoraphobiaan go take action, I would feel better. I was like, well, at least we know what to do. And I think you did go do something, and you obviously are feeling better. Well, let's give some types and examples of these communities and sources of support in our lives that we've been talking about, and I'll start with professional support. The most important professional relationship in my mental health journey has been, hands down, my psychiatrist, and he was our guest on episode four where he and I share our journey together, and that episode is a deep dive into a type of relationship that is not often shared openly, and I invite you to listen in on our conversation in episode four. Before my psychiatrists retired last year, we worked together for thirty one years. When I was in my crisis years, he was my lifeline. There were moments of deep despair when all my husband was able to say to me was we do what your doctor tells us to do, and it was an excellent plan. Now, before my psychiatrists retired, he and I had set up a transition plan and now I see a psychiatric nurse practitioner who worked with my psychiatrist, and she is wonderful. Though my psychiatrist did psychotherapy as well as medication management, at times I saw an additional therapist for particular particular issues where I needed additional support, and one of these, maybe two of these therapists over the years did become additional important members of my support team. Now there's another type of professional who's been a important part of my support team, and that's as strange as it might sound, are my two long term pharmacists at my drug store. One of these pharmacists has been filling my prescriptions for almost thirty years. She knows me, I know. Isn't that amazing. It's amazing that I go to the same pharmacy after thirty years. But she knows me, and she knows my medications, including the specific generic medication that is prescribed for me and must be special ordered. And I travel often and planning refills around being gone for long trips can be tricky, as you know, and she and the store help me with these refill issues. This is a very comforting form of support, mean medication management can be tricky. I also have health care support from my primary care physician. This is important and it doesn't always happen. And here's how I made it happen. With my primary care physician. I had had the same primary care physician for about a dozen years, and he retired. So when I went in to meet my new primary care physician, I said to her, Okay, if you're going to be my new doctor, this is what you need to know about me. And I told her that I have bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, that I'm an alcoholic addict in long term recovery. And I told her, you need to know this about me because you need to know that my mental health needs to be primary in every decision we make. She has been wonderful. I've been seeing her for about a dozen years now, So that's an important thing. I think everyone needs to know about how to make our how to advocate for ourselves in our mental health health care. And to be candid about it if it's especially if it's you know, if it's. A health professional, yes, uh, you know you can be. And it's important for your doctor that treats your physical issues to know because it's all part of the same thing, right absolutely, it's always uh. I always listen to your talking about your treatment and therapy with it's sort of a touch of rue because the therapeutic relationship can be terrific, you know, as it was for you. It's a learning ground for healthy relationships through the transference to the therapist. However, this was not the case for me, and I've talked about it a lot, but my mistake, one of my major mistakes, was giving up all other relationships to focus on treatment only. And the doctors loomed large and had too much power and uh, and I was you know, just you know, uh, not in the best situation. However, there's group therapy you know, peers and you're in the same room and you're in the same boat and made for close, close connections and close friendships and helped vastly hospital and outpatient programs. The most salient feature was the access to people, being forced to be with people day and night after so much isolation, and the friendships there also were incredibly strong and a principal cause for healing. And let's look at family. My goal always has been to have family like friends and friends like family. I love that well. Family situations, as we all know, are very individual experiences. In my own case, I didn't see my family for years of my struggle. I mean, there were half a continent away. And I really didn't want them to see how sick and dysfunctional I was. Now now that I live in recovery, my family is a source of happiness. In particular, there is my sister, who is my favorite person in the world, her kindness, support, wit, intelligence, and generosity, supreme generosity having enriched my life through good times and bad. My parents and their generation are gone, but I have learned this wonderful thing that some of the best friendships can be made with cousins. This is a great. Advantage for me to be being back in Austin because I have a multitude of cousins nearby. My most important family members are my husband and my sister, because they are Team Valerie. They have supported me through crisis, through the worst of my illness, through the best years of recovery, and through the hard times that are inevitable in a life of recovery. They will often notice when I am off the beam before I notice it. Fortunately, I have learned to listen to them. I used to say angrily, say what do you know when they expressed concern. Now I take in what they are saying and I take action. We have two episodes, episodes forty seven and forty eight, with my husband and my sister as our guests. These episodes are intimate conversations about the family dynamic dynamics of a psychiatric crisis from their perspective, the perspective of a sibling and a spouse, and their perspectives as caregivers. These episodes are part of a five part series that I highly recommend because it's a deep dive into relationships, which are the topic we are addressing today. And now let's look at friendship, the value of which I guess can't really be be measured. I have made and maintain friends throughout every phase of my life. You know, my work, my interests, around Texas, from New York City to New Orleans, to Ohio to la and abroad, these great points of light across the map. I am blessed with a vi also with a wide variety of types of friends and with varying degrees of intimacy. One thing that's helped me bond with people is to remember, don't put all your eggs in one basket, don't expect one person to meet all your needs. It just isn't realistic. And try to be open to different kinds of people. Now in my life today, I call them my people, and it's the most important thing in the world to me, and my individual friendships come from everywhere childhood, school, university, travel, arts and theater, politics, community service, fellow writers, etc. Now, as for community, after the pandemic, I got back into an active life, but I realized that something was missing, and finally I identified it. It was community because several past of volunteer work had closed permanently, and I could see that I hadn't resumed a part in past communities that had. Meant so much. And boy, I got into gear and I'm back in the Explorers class, which is here at a church, which is just a wonderful group, variety of group playwrights, political friends, people in literature and the arts, dining nights with various groups of friends, and frequent contact with my friends in other cities. For me, this is the most important component of my new life in recovery. Yeah, I talked about that last episode about community when I got disconnected and how important it was for me to get reconnected in order to get back out of the in order to get out of the slump I was in that I too had lost community and knew that's what was missing. So I love that you talked about that. So my two nearest and dearest friends and I have known each other since we were teenagers. We met when we were in college. So these two have known me through every aspect of my journey, including the depths of my psychiatric crisis to my life in recovery now and for the past twenty six years. We love and support each other through everything we go through and of course through our of course, through all the curves life has thrown us. And you know, some of those have been tough, but that's just life. I don't even know how to express the gratitude and blessings that accompany these relationships, these two relationships with these two women that I guess are about to be fifty years long. Yeah, we're getting up there in age. Anyway, I call these two my angels, and that pretty much sums it up. I'm also surrounded and supported and loved by my friends and the fellowship of the Twelve Step Rooms. This community has been in my life for like I said, twenty six years of recovery now, and I would never have achieved or sustained sobriety without them. I'm also part of a book club that is a recovery based and we have become dear friends. We continue to deepen and strengthen our emotional sobriety through literature, conversation, and love, and we meet outside of book club for fun and food and frivolity and again, blessings and gratitude. Another friend I count on for support and love is my dear friend Eileen. Eileen has been a guest here on the podcast twice because her wisdom is worth sharing twice with our audience. She and I have these morning chats very early in the morning every week. Maybe we're both early risers, so we often talk around six am, and I love starting my day that week way. She and I both have mental health struggles and we totally understand what the other one is going through during these tough times, and we often offer each other specific strategies and skills to get through these tough times. Talking about all these amazing people in my life is kind of overwhelming me right now as I keep finding myself saying the words blessings and gratitude. Well, let's take a look at something different. Work relationships. Now, they can be fraught depending on the politics and the organization and the kind of work and all that stuff. But work can be a source of friendship and community. Studies show that most American adults find their friends in the workplace, which I think was a real surprise to me. But this has certainly been true for me in many aspects of my life. I mean, I've to create it from work, many long lasting friendships. However, there's a caveat Some people have colleagues and bosses that know of their mental challenges, and I kept my struggles with mental illness to myself. Now, a couple of close work friends might know something, never the full story, but I never told an employer unless that person already knew. So my professional life was a strict example of how I led a double life. Well, I understand that because I only had one person on each high school campus where I taught, who became a close enough friend that I could tell her that I was in recovery with both substitutes disorder and bipolar disorder. Only one of the about one hundred and fifty teachers on each of those campuses. Well, it was quite frowned on to have bipolar disorder and be an alcoholic addict if you were a teacher. Talk about stigma. But each of those women were my lifelines. On several occasions, particularly when I was in early recovery. I got fully sober six weeks after I started my teaching career, so I was pretty fragile for a while there. And I met my first friend on the first campus where I taught. When she saw me crying as I walked down the hallway, she put her arm around me, and she led me into the private faculty bathroom. She locked the door and held me while I cried. She listened as I told her that I was in early sobriety, that I have bipolar disorder, and that I was struggling at that moment. And you know, when I finished talking, she said, today is my son's first sobriety birthday. The universe brought us together. Looking for other sources of people for our lives. Here's that has really worked for me. I'm on the board of directors an organization that supports play rights and new works for the theater. Now I've made some great friends, used my experience and skills to nurture the organization, found a great community, and learned so much about theater in Central Texas. So you know, again, it's another rewarding opportunity to become involved and to give back. The first volunteer community I became involved in was Communities for Recovery, and that was really my first big foray into volunteering. And I found my way in at a time when I was really struggling. I was five years sober, and I knew the volunteer coordinator at Communities for Recovery, and she saw me struggling and was listening to me struggle, and one day she came up to me and said, you just need to get out of yourself, and she had me come over and get trained and become a volunteer. And I began to take twelve Step meetings and other types of recovery meetings to psychiatric hospitals, which was so rewarding, and I got to know other volunteers, went to volunteer social events. Before I knew it, I had an entire new community of friends and support. And I stayed an active volunteer with c Farr for more than a dozen years, had the honor of serving on the board of directors and this chair of the board. It was just a family. And I'm back there now starting a new meeting there in March. Well, that subject of volunteer work. I just can't express how essential it has been to my recovery and to my life today. So over ten years, I've. Opened myself up as an advocate of the mentally ill. Now Never before in my life had I told my story to audiences all kinds. And the first time I told my story in public, a woman came up to me and she was crying, and I asked, can I help you? You already have? She said, You've given me more hope than I felt in years. Her words were a turning point in my life, for I learned that my long. Grim story actually helped people. The volunteer work is also provided repeatedly the chance to use my old skills and develop new ones through public speaking, writing, editing, teaching, creating programs, becoming a mentor an expert on actually on certain aspects of mental illness from a certain point of view, and in other areas. I also mentor play rights with new plays. I judge a new play festival in Dayton, Ohio at the Dayton Playhouse. And this is my thirty third year. And so what I try to do and what volunteer work has taught me is I just tried to as much as I can to my wide circle of friends and family and then beyond them. Then there is the value of casual relationships. You know, at the grocery store, dry cleaners, pharmacies, Starbucks, restaurants, I have made friends of the people who work there, and these are communities that are part of my life and a valuable part. I mean, when I had brain surgery last year, a woman from my grocery store sent me flowers and this unexpected, beautiful gesture. You know, this type of relationship in places like our coffee shops reminds me of the lyrics from that TV show Cheers, and the lyrics are, sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name and they're always glad you came. One of the most important relationships in my life is with my sponsor. When I got sober, I was in terrible condition mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, and she loved me until I could love myself. She is still my sponsor twenty six years later, and now my dear friend as well, and she still guides me on a spiritual path of sobriety. I am also a sponsor. The honor of sponsoring other women is a gift. It's the opportunity for my past to have meaning and value as I share my experience, strength, and hope with other women. Let's look at how to keep our relationships alive. These important relationships that we've been talking about, Well, relationships take work, period, They take work. If I want to keep my relationships vital, I must make an effort to keep in touch with the people I care about. And I have felt the pain of regret just recently due to a friendship I let grow cold, and it's prompted me to reach out to some old friends. And I haven't heard from someone in a while. I need to call. If someone doesn't return a call or text, I need to follow up. Well, this business of how to keep relationships alive, I thought about it, and for me, it's communications, consistency, thoughtfulness, inclusion, and respect. But boy, the first thing for me is keep up the communications. And you know that's one of the great things. There are so many new ways to do this now, email, text, online, et cetera. And when I was in the hospital in intensive care the night before the surgery, a woman came to me because someone had to explain me all the things that could go wrong right, And so she talked for a long time, and then she looked at me and she said, this is your last chance, and if it doesn't succeed, we will keep you comfortable. And then she said, you might want to make some phone calls tonight. Well, it was nine o'clock at night already, and I knew I couldn't make the calls. But what I did is I just wrote very quickly twenty texts to twenty people that I wanted to be my last words, if they were to be to them, I love you. And I felt such a sense of a weight lifted off me once I had done it and sent them out. And I unfortunately, you know, they weren't my last words, but I was so relieved to be able to do that. And without these new means of communications, it simply wouldn't have happened. I too, am very very grateful and fortunate that those weren't your last words. Oh man, okay. I try to reach out regularly. I tried to reach out regularly. I talked to my sponsor at the same time each week. I meet with my sponsors regular as well. I remember birthdays and anniversaries, I make lunch, coffee, and walk dates. I have long phone calls with people who are dear to me. I have people over first swim. My husband and I have dinner with friends. We throw at dinner parties. I try to stay in touch and it's very fun doing so. Yeah, sure is fun being your friend, Darling. Among other things. Here is just a fun A little word I wanted to say about friendship, and that's about the fear of rejection for having mental health issues. This is a big fear of mine. I think it is in most people. But in all this time fighting mental illness since nineteen eighty one, in all this time fighting mental illnesses since nineteen eighty one, I have lost only one friend who said to my face that she just simply couldn't put up with it. Let's talk about hope. Since the title of our podcast is mental Health, Hope and Recovery, we always talk about hope here, and it's important for me to remember that hope resides in others even when we can't find it in ourselves. And this was so true for me. The importance of this was so true for me when I was at the depth of my mental health struggle. I had to try to do that and There's one poignant incident of this that I want to share, and it was when I was probably on day four of a serious depression, hadn't been able to get out of bed, probably hadn't showered, probably hadn't eaten much, and my husband came in and sat down next to me on the bed and he was crying. He took my hands and he looked at me, and he looked me in the eye, and I know I could see that he believed this could happen. And he said, you have to get better. And I believed that I could in that moment because of what he was saying and how he was saying it. And I didn't give up. I continued to fight. I'm so glad you did. Now I have learned that I can borrow from other people what I desperately need. Support, laughter, companionship. A friend will reflect back a positive image of myself when I can't see it. A friend has better memories of my past. A friend believes I can do it. A friend loans me hope when I have none. We want you, our listeners, to look upon us as part of your own community of support. Our goal is to provide hope for your own recovery. Let us be part of your community, just as you are a major part of ours. And on that note, let's bring our topic to a close. Over five years and sixty three episodes, we've learned that relationships are the cornerstone of recovery. As Albert Camu put it so wisely and beautifully. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. Now, Valerie will lead us in a mindfulness exercise. Yes I will. What is mindfulness? I always give a definition. Mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations without judgment. Today's mindfulness exercise is called mindful appreciation. The point of this exercise is to simply give thanks and appreciate the seemingly insignificant things in our life or something, or maybe a relationship that we take for granted. Appreciate the things that support our existence but may not get a fully, may not get fully appreciated within our busy days, Let's take time to notice one of these things. Let's try it. Let's get mindful. If you're driving or walking, please adapt this mindfulness exercise in such a way that it works in your current surroundings. If you can find a comfortable seated position, bry closing your eyes if it's safe to do so. As always, let's begin with a few diaphormatic breaths. Whether your eyes are open or closed. Let's steady or breathing with two diaformatic breaths. When you do this on your own, take as many breaths as you need to become calm and centered. I take about ten breaths to begin my mindfulness and meditation practice. Let's breathe in Heal through your nose, expanding an imaginary balloon in your stomach as you inhale. Exhale through your mouth, pulling in your stomach as you do so, forcefully exhaling again. Inhale through your nose, expand that balloon in your stomach. Drop your shoulders, exhale through your mouth, pull your stomach all the way in keep this slow, steady breath going. Think of an object or a person as part of your everyday life. Something or someone you may for granted, or underappreciate. It could be the electricity that powers your coffee pot, the letter carrier who delivers your mail, your clothes that provide you warmth, or it could be the people who enrinch your life, who love and support you. We will call this object or person your gift. What or who is the gift you want to fully appreciate right now? Hold your gift in your mind. How did your gift come to insist? For example, how did you meet this person in your life, or what went into making the clothes that keep you warm? How did your gift come to exist? Take time to properly acknowledge how this gift benefits your life in the lives of others, for example, how does this person enrich your life, or how comforting is the coffee your barista makes for you, and how many people each day do they make happy? Acknowledge how your gift benefits your life in the lives of others. Notice the intricate details of your gift, and take thirty seconds to fully appreciate your gift. Thank you for doing this my fulness exercise with me well. Thank you, Valerie for all the light you spread throughout mindfulness. You're welcome As we close this episode, I want to repeat what we said earlier. We do indeed want you, our listeners, to be part of our community. Please let us know what you think about this episode or any of our other episodes. We would love to know your topics of interest for future episodes as well. Reach out through our website, Mental Healthhopeandrecovery dot com. Just click on the contact button, send us an email and it will come directly to me or Helen. We look forward to hearing from you. In next month's episode, we will explore a topic that is frequently overlooked by the medical community, and that's the impact of mental health caused by physical illness, specifically an events such as a major surgery or a heart attack. Helen, I want to thank you in advance for being vulnerable and sharing your journey with this last year. The Conversation is going to shed light on this topic and offer insight, information and inspiration for our listeners. Join us next month, and now I leave you With our favorite word, onward.