How Valerie and Helen (Mostly) Outsmart Negativity

How Valerie and Helen (Mostly) Outsmart Negativity

Helen Sneed: Welcome welcome to our award winning podcast, Mental Health Hope and Recovery. I'm Helen Sneed.

Valerie Milburn: And I'm Valerie Milburn.

Helen Sneed: We both have fought and overcome severe chronic mental illnesses. Our podcast offers a unique approach to mental health conditions. We provide practical skills, guest experts, and inspirational true stories of recovery. Our knowledge is up close and personal.

Valerie Milburn: Helen and I are your peers. We're not doctors, therapists or social workers. We're not professionals, but we are experts. We are experts in our own lived experience experience with multiple mental health diagnoses and symptoms. Please join us on our journey.

Helen Sneed: We live in recovery, so can you.

Valerie Milburn: This podcast does not provide medical advice. The information presented is not intended to be a substitute for or relied upon as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. The podcast is for informational purposes only. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any health related questions you may have.

Helen Sneed: Welcome to episode 63, how Helen and Valerie Mostly Outsmart Negativity. This episode is just weeks after the New Year. First off, happy New Year to our listeners everywhere. And for me, New Year's is not a subtle holiday. Midnight chimes and boom. The old year is over. You succeeded. You blew it. On with the new. Time for resolutions. I mean, we've all done it. The New Year opens up and with it comes the ambition to improve ourselves. The year stretches far ahead like a long promise and many people are determined to fill it with improvement and personal growth. Unfortunately, those bright objectives can often drop by the wayside. I mean, Valerie, we're going to pass along the methods today that we've learned after many failed resolutions that never materialized and turned into negativity, how to outsmart it and move towards our goal. Now we have learned, Valerie and I, that goals are the key to progress and success. Goals, not resolutions. The words have different meanings. Oxford says resolution, a firm decision to do or not to do something. And then they say a goal, the object of a person's ambition or effort, an aim or desired result. See, there's the difference. A resolution is a decision. A goal is an object of a person, far more complex and wide reaching. And it requires effort, action and perseverance to achieve the desired result, which we're going to look at today. So this explains why resolutions are difficult to maintain or pursue. I mean, they're resolute and determined, but there's no concept behind how to achieve them. Nothing practical. I mean, resolutions exist in the mind and with no plan or strategy are easily abandoned or forgotten. Today we're going to focus on outwitting negativity through goals and goal setting. Practical, manageable, flexible, timely, action oriented planning with viable execution, continuity and positive, measurable outcomes.

Valerie Milburn: That is an excellent summary of the difference between a goal and a resolution. And it is indeed the

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Valerie Milburn: fact that there's nothing concrete and objective behind a resolution and that working on a goal is concrete. It has objectives. And we're going to talk about how to make those goals happen. And there are lots of types of goals and aspirations, many things such as physical health, mental health, work, relationships and more. And Helen, let's take a look at some of these. I'll start with physical health. Physical health goals are so individual. But one thing all physical goals have in common is that they need to be broken down into manageable steps with the realistic goal. And that's true for all goals. But my two physical health goals currently are to reduce my sugar intake and get more cardio exercise. My manageable realistic steps are first, for the sugar, I will stop ordering a muffin with my coffee at the bakery and I will eat very wise. And I will eat dessert only once a week. For the cardio, I will maintain my regular Pilates routine because that is solid and I do it four to five times a week. I will maintain my regular Pilates routine and I will add walking the hilly route in my neighborhood twice a week. Manageable, realistic.

Helen Sneed: Those are great and as you say, manageable goals, you know, I'm not saying they're going to be easy, but they're sort of within range, you know.

Valerie Milburn: Yes, I Didn't say, I'm going to stop eating sugar. I'm going to allow myself dessert once a week. I mean, I need to be realistic.

Helen Sneed: Yeah, yeah. And that's what that is. And I can see you achieving it. Mental health also is of primary importance to us, especially us here with the podcast and to our listeners. And during the many years lost to mental illnesses, it never once occurred to me to make mental health a goal. Instead, I was told repeatedly how sick I was. And most therapy had no plan or stated objective. There were just no goals. The focus was on the factors from my past and how destructive they've been, on and on and on. Well, I could have benefited tremendously from tangible goals and planning along with progress evaluations along the way. It wasn't until dialectical behavior therapy training that I found the structure and skills to forge ahead with specific goals for productivity and health.

Valerie Milburn: Yes, it's very important those goals in mental health. I was fortunate to have a psychiatrist who actually would give me strategic strategies, actual things to do toward a goal. And my mental health goal now is to maintain the healthy state I am in. And I still feel like I am in a healthy state. Even though I have had struggles recently, I haven't found those struggles to be threatening to my mental health. I've known that life was throwing some challenges my way, and I have had to double down on using all my strategies and skills. Sleep, diet, exercise, prayer and meditation, mindfulness, community connection, those strategies and skills. My goal is always to maintain my mental health and always has those strategies. And they are manageable and realistic because they're required for me to stay in recovery. So as I struggled recently, I did find myself losing connection with others. And it was funny because I told my sponsor that I had been putting on a good face and she said, stop it. Like, what do you mean? Said get real with the people you can be real with. And you know, I started speaking my truth to my support people, the people I can be real with, the people I trust. And I began to pull out of my funk. For one thing, they held me accountable for any self care I had been neglecting because, you know, if I can't take care of myself, I'm not going to be able to be of use to anybody else. And right now that is my major goal. Connection. Those are my major goals. Connection and accountability.

Helen Sneed: Well, it sounds good and again, sounds feasible. Sometimes you just have to be more diligent than others. Now here's another area. Work. Well, that work, as we all know, can be one of the most loaded areas of goals, whether the individual is looking for a job, searching for a job with more pay and benefits, or a kinder boss, or seeking major career advancement. We are going to examine the type of goal setting that can make a difference between the negative feelings of yearning

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Helen Sneed: for something better and the positivity of working towards it.

Valerie Milburn: Financial goals are another area I know I have struggled with in the past, and I have had a hard time wrapping my head around this one. So I did a search for things like basic financial goals or setting financial goals, and online there is plenty of great basic information so we can all do that research. But one common thread in all of my research was start small. And of course that's consistent with everything else we know about goals. Right, Helen?

Helen Sneed: Yes.

Valerie Milburn: So my financial goals this year are small. Not buying that muffin at the bakery as part of my less sugar goal also accomplishes part of my less frivolous spending goal. I did the math and I spent about $700 in 2025 on buying that muffin. My God, I know. So I also did the math on my clothing spending in 2025, and although I would never share that amount, I can easily cut it in half for 2026. And one of my best strategies for this cutting my clothing budget is when I have an upcoming event shop out of my own closet instead of thinking I need a new outfit.

Helen Sneed: Well, that just sounds brilliant and completely doable. Now, we can't underestimate relationships. To begin with, you don't have to do it alone. Regardless of your goal, there are various relationships to support you, to provide encouragement, advice, inspiration, and hope, especially when you've lost sight of your goal or your abilities. Now, we're going to look at various relationships today and to this very day, I rely on relationships for support, accountability, very important accountability, humor, very important. And wisdom. And a positive image of myself when the negative takes over.

Valerie Milburn: Spiritual goals. You know, that sounded so foreign to me that increasing my spiritual connection could be a goal. But I was taught how to do that by my sponsor. So now I truly believe I have a daily reprieve from my previous life of chaos, aimlessness and addiction based on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. And I believe I received the strength, inspiration and direction from my higher power for the day ahead each morning during prayer and meditation. And without this spiritual connection, I cannot be of maximum service to my higher power and my fellows. So my goal, always a goal and never achievable, is indeed to be of maximum service. And this is through patience, tolerance, connection, and Love. It's a goal constantly strive for through time, discipline, dedication to my morning practice.

Valerie Milburn: Of prayer and meditation.

Helen Sneed: The kind of lists that I'm so fond of talking about actually have a can have a great impact on goal setting. Now, one really strong beginning is to review last year and make a list of the positive and negative. Focus your energy on the positive. Be thoughtful. Nothing is too small to count. Several weeks ago, I did this evaluation out of the blue. See, I began by writing what I was grateful for in the past year, which is something I've never done this before in my entire life. I'd always look back and all I could remember was the negative. Humiliation, failure, loss. Another wasted year and I would face a new year expecting more of the same. This year was so different. As I wrote my list, there were countless positives in a wide range of size and impact, ranging from life saving brain surgeries, to writing a short play, to getting a little dog, to resuming a significant relationship, to designing and living a new writing schedule for five days a week to systematically write my novel. There were so many positive events and accomplishments that I stopped counting at 15. I could easily have doubled that. It made me feel happy and grateful to look back, which is something I'd never do. I always say, don't look back, the past will kill you. But this was entirely different. It was wonderful.

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Helen Sneed: And in spite of the turmoil out in the world, I could honestly and proudly say that I'd had a good year. Another statement I have never made before. So I highly recommend this exercise. With a list of positives in hand, you can then analyze and choose what you want to take with you into the new year. And that, of course, is the second list to make. And it can prepare you to go after your goals, especially when you can identify what you want most.

Valerie Milburn: You know, Helen, you and I saw each other at an event, I think the day after or two days after you had made this list of 15 things.

Valerie Milburn: You were.

Valerie Milburn: You were beaming. And as soon as I saw you and we sat down next to each other and you said, you know what?

Valerie Milburn: I did? I made a gratitude list.

Valerie Milburn: And there were 15 things on it. And I just sat down and it just poured out. And it was just delightful to watch you talk about it, the look on your face. I mean, it was so inspiring.

Helen Sneed: And I was kind of ebullient, you know, because it was. It just was so foreign to the likes of me, you know, it was completely. Was the opposite of the way I lived my life.

Valerie Milburn: That's the power of gratitude. And it's the power of putting it on paper. And the, the other thing I want to talk about about list is how do you make it? How do you, how do you organize it? And you and I both agree that the best way to do that is to brainstorm and literally write down everything. Just make a list of every goal you can think of that you want to accomplish and then pare it down. But start with everything you can think of. Then choose. Choose three at the most. I don't want to overwhelm myself. So as I shared for now, for the upcoming year, I've only chosen two goals and I can always add another one or two if the two I've committed to are coming easily for me.

Helen Sneed: It's good to keep in mind that flexibility is a really important part of all this process.

Valerie Milburn: Yes.

Helen Sneed: Yeah, I, I, the, the sort of, the, the, the rules for not overwhelming yourself are to me are just critical because it's, it's so easy to try for too many goals. I mean, I was so ambitious that one goal would cancel out another, would cancel out another, and so on and on until I was paralyzed by the sheer number of goals I thought I had to achieve and of course got none of them done and then blamed myself for my failure. Big ambition without an achievable plan is a setup for failure. And one basic strategy is to limit your goals to a manageable number and when planning, to be sure to break them down into achievable steps. This is a good method to prevent overwhelming yourself and being stopped dead in your tracks. Now Valerie is going to explain the practical approach to goal setting. Oh, Valerie, how I wish I'd known long ago what you're about to teach us.

Valerie Milburn: Well, when I learned it, I thought, I wish I had learned long ago what I had just learned. So let's take a quick look at the mechanics of goal setting. For a deep dive into this topic of goal setting, check out our episode 9 called Goal Setting A Necessity for Recovery. It is a wonderful resource and you can find it and all of our episodes on our website, Mental health, hope and recovery.com or of course from wherever you get your podcasts. For now, I want to give a simple explanation of an effective goal setting technique that both of us use and it's called SMART Goals. SMART stands for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time bound. Time bound is very important. Let's just look at the three factors called specific, measurable and time bound, as those are the three things that are at the heart of this Technique. So those three things you ask yourself these questions about your goal. Is it specific? This is the what question. For example, walking is more specific than becoming more active. I don't want to tell myself I'm going to become more active. I want to define how by walking. Much more specific walking than becoming active. Second question. Is it measurable? This is the how much question. There much. There must be a number in your goal. Let's say two times. I'm going to walk two times a week. Is it time bound? This is a when question. We want to

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Valerie Milburn: choose something that we can accomplish in a short amount of time. So even if it's a year long goal, we break it down to a manageable amount of time. Make it this week, for example. For example, that's a manageable commitment. So here's the sentence structure. I will what for how much by when example? I will walk two times this week. What Walk how much two times when? This week. Here's another example. I will answer 10 emails by noon today. The what is answer emails. The how much is 10? The win is by noon. I will answer 10 emails by noon today. We've got our what, our how much and our when. That's it. We are specific about what the goal is. We put a measurable component to it and we make it time bound.

Helen Sneed: Well, it sure makes a difference for me because it just, I don't know, it just turns it into a basic formula that I can follow without, you know, sort of beating myself on the head with a hammer or something. Now we also want to look at skills, techniques and methods for goal setting. And given that we recently devoted two episodes to dialectical behavior therapy, dbt, I was curious about its approach to goal setting. Now, one skill caught my eye that actually is best learned just prior to goal setting. It's called DBT Skill Values. This helps you identify what truly matters to you and how to prioritize your time accordingly. Values guide your daily actions and decisions and decisions, helping you live in a way that feels right and genuine. Values such as kindness, honesty, perseverance are things you continue to practice all your life, as opposed to goals, which have a beginning, a middle, and an end in sight. But values also can help you define goals and how much you want to achieve them and how you want to achieve them. Values are more distant and abstract, but setting goals that reflect your values is a powerful way to bring them to life. Goals bring your values from theory into practice. DBT has suggestions for three common challenges of pursuing a goal. First is procrastination the very word makes me want to hide under my desk because I'm a master at it. I've always been swept away, downstream, away from my goal by externals. Well, when you can't buckle down and get to work, one antidote is to break the goal into even smaller steps that will become more manageable. Then there's self doubt. Well, that's another strong one that can really, really inhibit persons going after something that they want in life. So first off, remind yourself of past successes. You are capable of achieving things. Remember that progress takes time. This is really important because to me, it's an acceptance thing. You just have to realize it's going to take time and finally reach out to a person who has a high opinion of you. It's a great antidote to negativity. Don't isolate. Be in touch with and listen to someone who thinks that you're wonderful. And then finally, setbacks. A setback is not a failure. It feels like it, but it's not because it is part of the learning experience. Adjust your approach and keep moving forward. Now, there are many other skills to bear in mind, and even the smallest ones can turn out to have a strong impact on pursuing your goal. A calendar can be of great help to organize your planning and to check off when you've completed an action on the path to your goal. But here's a word of caution. A calendar can become quite overwhelming if it contains too many goals and deadlines that extend too far into the future. So I would suggest, and Valerie, I want to check this with you because you're so good with calendars. Like, just try just what, a month, maybe two months at a time. If you're starting off with the calendar, don't go beyond that.

Valerie Milburn: Not for daily. I think you're right. I wouldn't go beyond that for daily. You know, put your, you know, put on there what you know, you want to know ahead of time. I put birthdays on and you can put an annual repeat on birthdays. I like knowing, you know, everybody's birthday. But no, I don't plan out more

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Valerie Milburn: than when I make my dental appointment for six months later for the next tooth cleaning that goes on six months ahead of time. No, I agree. Just keep it the daily things as close to the current date as you can. But the overwhelming thing that you mentioned is so, so important for me because I can look at a day, you know, next week where I literally have the day planned out every moment and that will overwhelm me. And I know that some of Those things need to be either removed or put on to another day. So the overwhelming aspect is definitely something to look out for.

Helen Sneed: Yeah, I can really appreciate that. You know, keeping a journal can be a solid resource for the goal seeker. It becomes a repository. It really can even be a toolkit of successes, setbacks, change in planning, acceptance, resources, maintaining your mental health. Now, for me, I write in longhand very early in the morning in my journal, really just about every day. But frequently my journal writing serves as a conduit to dealing with my book or the podcast episode I'm working on. My writing just automatically goes into one of those two projects because that's what's in my head all the time. So it segues into the sessions in my office where I work at my computer. Writing begets writing, and I never lose sight of that.

Valerie Milburn: I agree. And I love that you mentioned that you write in longhand. My grand sponsor used to say about writing in the journal that you had to do it in longhand because she believed in head to heart to hand, and there was no writing on the computer as far as she was concerned. And I love that. The next thing we want to talk about is mindfulness. And I wonder why you asked me to talk about mindfulness, Helen.

Helen Sneed: Oh, Valerie, it just. I just thought you'd like a new topic.

Valerie Milburn: Being mindful is always my goal. But what does this mean? And, and why do I seek mindfulness? Well, because I tend to spend too much time lost in my own thoughts. Thoughts of what I need to do or what I haven't done or worrying about something. And that's something is often probably never going to happen. And if you want to hear more about this, listen to our episode on anxiety. Anyway, mindfulness means being in the present moment, being aware of my surroundings. And I can often snap myself back into the present by repeating right here, right now, as I take deep, slow breaths. Bringing myself mindfully into the present moment allows me to be available to the people around me, to focus on what is actually occurring, to be completely present, to listen, to respond, to be present, to appreciate the beauty of a sunrise, the beauty of the flowers blooming in my flower pots, or really importantly, to listen to a grandchild's laugh or silly phrase, or even the magic of a basketball stadium after a buzzer beater as I'm sitting in the stands. I mean, I could even miss that roar around me, being caught in my own ruminating thoughts. And these are these moments, and so many more are. I mean, I just don't want to miss them. Because I am stuck in ruminating thoughts or the negativity of worry or remorse. And mindfulness allows me to nurture the positive, to live my life to the fullest. To outsmart negativity.

Helen Sneed: Exactly. And I think that I. What I do. And I'm so glad to hear you bring this up about, you know, missing the. A grandchild's laugh or something. Is that for me, if I feel myself, you know, even dissociating or just not in the moment, I'll just go, wake up, wake up, wake up. Because I know that all this beauty and interest and excitement is right in front of me and I'm asleep and I'm not seeing it.

Valerie Milburn: Yes.

Helen Sneed: And are not conscious, whatever. And so the waking up often, often does work.

Valerie Milburn: Yes. And I think it's great that we both just shared what works for us in our own, you know, phrase, because everybody has a different thing. You know, mine is right here, right now. Yours is wake up, wake up. And I think we all find our own soundtrack that works. And I think that's really important.

Helen Sneed: I think so, but. And then you just start doing it and it just kind of. It works more readily and more quickly.

Valerie Milburn: Yes.

Helen Sneed: Now, here we

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Helen Sneed: are with relationships. And, you know, as always, I'm always wondering what could be more important to a goal. And other people can provide a lot. They can prove to be strong supporters of your goal. Cultivating positive relationships can be the key to productive and rewarding goal seeking. Even in bad times. A partner or buddy offers companionship and accountability. Someone to answer to helps you stay on track. And a mentor can help educate you about your goal in the field it's in or are the best methods to achieve it. It's important to identify a family member so that you can talk about your goals, so that you don't feel, you know, cut off, so that someone in the family will know what you're engaged in and what is so meaningful to you. Support groups, professional associations, classes, all offer more information and a community of support. In my case, I can easily lose sight of my goal. And the people in my life provide a sense of continuity and a reminder of what I want most when I stray off course. A year ago, I joined a writers group that has consolidated my week. Brilliant, accomplished women hold my feet to the fire and help me focus and stay on track with a dead weekly deadline. And then there is acceptance. Well, it's a big one, and no journey is smooth and linear. We all know that there are a variety of conditions to accept throughout the year, often changing rapidly and the changes can come from all sides, and it can feel like you have to turn on a dime, which is virtually impossible. So how do we accept setbacks and challenges that can come without warning? How to keep moving? Well, acceptance is critical to be able to continue an uncertain process that can take months or years. For example, chasing a goal inevitably requires sacrifice. Well, no one likes it and no one is exempt. In order to stay the course, the individual has to give up desirable things like trips, parties, relationships, other goals all may have to be sacrificed. In my case, I have had to firmly put aside other dreams and goals because my current goal and schedule don't leave much time for diversion or split focus. But I've chosen the goal to write the book with the sacrifices it entails. Now, acceptance has always been difficult for me, but I know I must practice it if I'm to pursue my dream unfettered by resentment, regret, and negativity. This time, acceptance helps abolish the negativity I feel about writing a book at this stage of life. It wasn't until I accepted the fact that I might never finish my book that I overcame the negativity and I decided I'd rather die in the saddle than abandon my deepest desire. I've also come to respect the effort of working on in the face of uncertainty and negativity. So there's the duality to accept the harsh negativity of the fact that it's too late and I may fail juxtapose against its very opposite. There's a chance I will finish the book, and what I've learned is to accept both in order to keep moving. My key to outsmarting negativity is to accept it as part of my existence.

Valerie Milburn: That's very important. And as we put this episode together, we both kind of got a overarching sense of how we outsmart negativity. And we just went through a lot of specifics, you know, of the different aspects of outsmarting negativity. But I'd love to hear kind of how all of this coalesced in your mind as we put the episode together. So can you give us that point of view, your big picture?

Helen Sneed: Yes, I would like to, because in many ways it reflects the smaller skills and operational methods that we've talked about today. But it is, and I'm sure for you, too, but it's very personal. And so the question is, how could I have dealt successfully with negativity when my earliest childhood memories are of fear and depression? Well, the truth is, I still have to fight them off sometimes. But my weapons now are stronger than the malady. Now, outsmarted is the correct word in several ways. First, I use skills that wrench me from the tar pit into positive actions. I use mindfulness and acceptance frequently. And I have outsmarted negativity by

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Helen Sneed: accepting it. And all of these things have created the bedrock of my recovery. And as I mentioned, this past year was rendered terrifying by the discovery of a giant aneurysm in my brain that almost killed me. And through two brain surgeries, I was saved by a brilliant surgeon and an experimental device. And since then, I've often joked about my new brain. But here's the truth. I already had a new brain with the capacity to follow and initiate positive thoughts and interpretations of life as I live it. In truth, my brain was already new. Through hard work and diligence, I have created a brain that has a great capacity for the positive and a life worth living. It was how I outsmarted negativity and a life in h***. Look at your field of dreams. Identify some heroes who inspire you people to look up to and find the stories. Individuals who've also overcome illness or other obstacles that are similar to your own. Even the greatest accomplishments don't occur sequentially over a lifetime. I find the most inspiration is in those who have overcome insurmountable odds and achieve their goal in spite of it. Their vision, fortitude, discipline, creativity, courage. Give me such hope, not only for myself, but hope for all of us who are willing to plan, toil, and strive to realize a dream held dear.

Valerie Milburn: I love that. And I am so grateful that that beautiful new brain you had already built through years of working toward recovery. I'm so glad that brain was healed from that giant aneurysm and that you are here with us, well and back in the saddle. So.

Helen Sneed: Thank you, Valerie. It's great to be here.

Valerie Milburn: Yes, it is. So my big perspective on outsmarting negativity is, I think, acceptance and gratitude may be those overarching keys for me to outsmart negativity now. Yes, there are lots of concrete strategies, skills and steps required. And having goals absolutely keeps me focused. You talked about setbacks. Accepting setbacks and accepting the need to restructure the steps and time timeline for my goals is necessary for me to stay positive. For example, I have already spent my January and February clothing budget, and it's not the end of January yet. So instead of getting down on myself, I'm really seriously, I'm just laughing about how silly it is for me to think that it is actually hard to not buy clothes for a month. I mean, it's ridiculous. So I'm thinking of one thing I might want for spring and looking forward to treating myself to it in March. So I'm not. Not getting waylaid by a setback. I'm laughing at how silly it is to think it's going to be hard to redefine my timeline. And on the sugar goal, I've done great. I think in January, I have bought two muffins. That's not bad to blow that goal twice when usually I buy like five muffins a week. So there we go.

Helen Sneed: Congratulations.

Valerie Milburn: Thanks. So accepting my mental health challenges. Accepting my mental health challenges is also necessary for me to outsmart negativity. And that may sound counterintuitive. It's just like what you talked about, Helen. I have to accept that living with bipolar disorder includes occasional challenges. And then when I encounter these challenges, it's easier to accept them. It's, you know, accepting the negativity makes it easier to accept those challenges. It sounds counterintuitive. I know it's negative. And so just move on and I can accept it. I also try to maintain gratitude even in challenging times, because I do have so much to be grateful for. During the recent tough time when I was struggling with depression and anxiety, I didn't relapse in my sobriety. I was not in a major depression. I was able to participate fully in my life and in the lives of my loved ones. I knew where to responsibly and appropriately drop commitments to guard my mental health. I maintained my important goals of exercise

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Valerie Milburn: and sleep really well. Considering my mental state, that is a lot to be grateful for. As I Look ahead to 2026, there are big projects looming that will require my time, energy, and patience. And a few of these are a bit overwhelming. I will have to use all my skills to stay in the present moment, to not get waylaid by worry or fear or other detriments to outsmarting negativity. Yes, the keys for living a positive life are acceptance and gratitude. But you know what? I left out the importance of hope and hope. I have so much hope for the outcome of these projects that are looming and a little bit daunting. And I have so much hope with continuing this beautiful life I have in recovery, this beautiful life I've been given that I've worked so hard for and am living. So that's, you know, hope and recovery just wrapped up in that life and hope and recovery. Wow, Helen, that would be the great.

Valerie Milburn: Name for A podcast.

Helen Sneed: You're right, Valerie, we should discuss it sometimes. I was so happy to hear you talk so much about hope, because I think we feel both feel so much hope for others in the fight against negativity and for the great pursuit of goals. And so with that, we will close this topic. And now, Valerie, will you lead us in a mindfulness exercise?

Valerie Milburn: Yes, I will. What is mindfulness? I always give a definition. Mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations without judgment. And today's mindfulness exercise is the Power of Acceptance. It's adapted from mindfulnessexercises.com and Helen, you and I both talked about acceptance today a lot, so I thought it would be a good thing to focus on right now. Let's try it. Let's get mindful. If you're driving or walking, please adapt this mindfulness exercise in such a way.

Valerie Milburn: That it works in your current surroundings.

Valerie Milburn: If you can find a comfortable seated.

Valerie Milburn: Position, try closing your eyes if it's safe to do so. As always, let's begin with a few diaphragmatic breaths. Whether your eyes are open or closed, let's steady our breathing with two diaphragmatic breaths. When you do this on your own.

Valerie Milburn: Take as many breaths as you need.

Valerie Milburn: To become calm and centered. I take about 10 diaphragmatic breaths to begin my mindfulness and meditation practice. Let's Breathe. Inhale through your nose, expanding an imaginary balloon in your stomach as you inhale. Exhale through your mouth, forcefully pulling in your stomach as you do so. Again, Inhale through your nose, expanding that balloon in your stomach. Drop your shoulders. Exhale through your mouth. Pull your stomach all the way in. Keep this slow, steady breath going. Bring to mind a situation you are currently struggling with or a circumstance setback challenge in your life you are having trouble accepting. Notice what's present within you as you bring this situation, circumstance setback or challenge to mind. Notice. Notice if there's a sensation arising in your body, an energy that you can sense through your breath, or does a habitual thought come to mind? Whatever it is that you notice, welcome it. Allow it to be. Don't try to change it. Don't chase it away. Don't push it away. Can you remain still in your awareness? Accept what is arising. This is how things are right here and right now. Accept it. Recall that acceptance is non judgmental and unattached.

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Valerie Milburn: Take a deep breath. To accept is not an endorsement. To accept is not an opinion. To accept is simply to recognize and to notice. Acceptance is mindfulness and awareness of reality as it is. Take a deep breath. Now notice. Can you notice a difference in what your body is feeling? Is there more stillness? Acceptance is simply to recognize and to notice. Not to endorse, just accept. This is how things are. Tap into the wisdom that acceptance provides. Before you open your eyes, connect to the wisdom in your body, your breath and your mind. Ask, what should I do now? Be equally accepting of the answer. If your eyes are closed, please open them and gently bring yourself back to the room. Thank you for doing this mindfulness exercise with me.

Helen Sneed: Oh, thank you, Valerie.

Valerie Milburn: That was.

Helen Sneed: That was a fascinating exercise today. It gives me a lot to think about. I also want to tell you how much I appreciate your honesty and candor in our episode today. I mean, I've watched you outsmart negativity for 10 years and have been educated and inspired by your fortitude and cleverness.

Valerie Milburn: Well, thank you.

Helen Sneed: And our gratitude also goes out to our listeners everywhere for joining us. And now, Valerie, tell us what mental health, hope and recovery has coming next.

Valerie Milburn: Well, I'm going to thank you in advance for the candor and vulnerability you have offered to share in our next episode because next month's episode will explore a topic that is frequently overlooked by the medical community and that is the impact on mental health caused by a physical illness, specifically an event such as a major surgery or, for example, a heart attack. And Helen, you're going to share your journey with this last year and that conversation with our guest. The conversation between you and our guest is going to shed light on this topic and offer insight, information and inspiration for our listeners. So join us next month, listeners.

Helen Sneed: And now I leave you with our favorite word. Onward.