The holidays present many challenges for people with a mental health condition. The season and its demands can affect relationships, finances, symptoms, and survival. Helen and Valerie explore skills, methods and strategies to create healthy holidays and to be well prepared for the new year
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Have Yourself a Healthy Holiday Season
Episode 12
Helen Sneed: Welcome to Mental Health Hope and Recovery. I'm Helen Snead.
Valerie Milburn: And I'm Valerie Milburn.
Helen Sneed: We both have fought and overcome severe chronic mental illnesses. Our podcast offers a unique approach to mental health conditions. We use practical skills and inspirational stories of recovery. Our knowledge is up close and personal.
Valerie Milburn: Helen and I are your peers. We're not doctors, therapists or social workers. We're not professionals. But we are experts. We are experts in our own lived experience with multiple mental health diagnoses and symptoms. Please join us on our journey.
Helen Sneed: We live in recovery.
Valerie Milburn: So can you this podcast does not provide medical advice. The information presented here is not intended to be a substitute or relied upon as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. The podcast is for informational purposes only. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any health related questions you may have.
Helen Sneed: Welcome to episode 12 have yourself a Healthy Holiday Season. Well, the holidays are upon us. Some people rush out to parties and some people hide under their desks. But regardless of the impact of this time of year, Valerie and I want to give it our best shot. Although it's varied over time, in some years I felt like the holidays were a kind of warfare where I needed the best weapons and most troops at hand just to fight for my survival. But at other times, the holidays were lovely, bountiful and filled with loving spirit and people. It's no secret that the holidays can be very, very difficult for people with a mental health condition. With that in mind, we'd like to fulfill the following Examine the complex issues that can arise in relationships, learn new strategies and skills for healthy holidays, manage our expectations, create beautiful new traditions, reduce stress, and build hope about the new year. Garrison Keillor said, a lovely thing about the holiday season is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all have to go through it together. So let's look at the results of a survey the national alliance on Mental illness published in 2014. It shows the strong impact of the holiday season on people with mental health conditions. 68% felt a financial strain, 63% felt too much pressure. 57% suffered from unrealistic expectations. 24% of people diagnosed with mental illness find the holidays make their condition a lot worse. 40% somewhat worse, 55% were distressed by remembering happier times, and 50% were unable to be with loved ones.
Valerie Milburn: After those sobering statistics, we thought we would lighten up with a few funny holiday stories. Well, what my friend Kathy called tragic funny when I shared one of these with her. So here's a good one. One year, I think it was 1996. I came home from a psychiatric hospital on December 23rd. That night, I dyed
Valerie Milburn: my hair jet black and my family woke up to this wild look on Christmas Eve. I had used the cheapest dye I could find at the grocery store and I had never dyed my hair before or since. So it looked terrible. A friend asked me, what did your husband say? Well, he said, nothing, nothing. Because my whole family was speechless.
Helen Sneed: Well, all I can say is, I would have bought a ticket anyway. Okay, here's mine. This great friend of mine had such a difficult time with her rather dysfunctional, histrionic family over the holidays that each year I would have to coach her through it. And each year she'd call on December 26th and say two words, it's over. Her voice was full of relief and joy.
Valerie Milburn: I have another one. I'm the fifth of six kids, and growing up, my family was, okay, chaotic. That's one way to put it. And on Christmas morning, we would be opening gifts and we would find some without names on them. We would look at my mom and say, who's this for? My mom would look at the gift and say, with false assurance, that's Valerie's. Looking back on it, it's funny, I mean, were we getting what was intended for us? My mom would also make a point of saying, that one's from your dad. But my dad had no idea what was in a wrapped gift. Now, he was a good Santa. He put together ping pong tables and bikes, so, you know, he just didn't know what was in the wrapped gifts.
Helen Sneed: Well, the humorous Dave Berry has this to say about the holidays. Once again, we find ourselves enmeshed in the holiday season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries old traditions, such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. Now, I think we talked about what's the priority, and it seems to be that this is the time of year when relationships come to the forefront. There's so much pressure on them, and there are a lot of questions that come to mind. Which relationships are best for you right now and who is best to be with for the holidays? Well, I learned the hard way to start planning early. The last minute is not your friend. It can be incredibly enlightening to begin your relationship. To begin with your relationship with yourself. Take an inventory about where you are in your recovery journey. Look at your state of mind, physical health, financial security, and the overall degree of safety that you feel now. I began to plan by writing out a list of the people and support systems in my life.
Valerie Milburn: That's such a great idea.
Helen Sneed: Yeah. Well, I can't do without it because it's tangible and I write out those I can count on, feel safe with, be myself with, and not have to put on a show. And I ask myself questions such as, should you be with family or friends this year? Make an appearance with family and then go to your friends. Do you want to travel or stay close to home? You know, I've given a lot of thought to the word home. Often people say they're going home for the holidays when it's the family house they haven't lived in for decades. So what is home? Where is it? Robert Frost famously said, home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.
Valerie Milburn: I love that.
Helen Sneed: Yeah. And Marjorie Hinckley was a little lighter about it. She said, home is where you are loved the most and act the worst, which we've all done. Home doesn't have to mean family. It's the refuge with the people of your own choosing. I think that list of names is really important. Also, try to identify the potentially stressful relationships. It could be friends, a family member, coworkers. One good thing to remember is that they are probably as stressed out as you are. Everyone is likely to be wired and tired, which is a volatile state of being.
Valerie Milburn: I love that. Wired and tired. That is appropriate. Now, relationships we did identify as a priority. And the other thing we identified as a priority during the holiday season is setting and keeping boundaries. Yes, it's important and necessary to set and keep those boundaries to have a healthy, happy holiday season.
Valerie Milburn: And boundaries are tricky for me. My Bodily reaction when I verbalize a boundary catches me off guard every time. Quite frankly, it makes me mad that my body reacts the way it does. When I set a boundary. My stomach churns, my heart races, I may tear up. And it's because the old tapes in my head tell me that I don't have the right to set a boundary. But I do. I know that now. And now I'm able to set and keep boundaries. I've learned, and this is so important for me, I've learned that I'm not responsible for my first thought, but I am responsible for my second thought. I'm going to repeat that because it's important for me to hear again.
Helen Sneed: It really, it really is.
Valerie Milburn: It's a continual guiding lesson for me. I'm not responsible for my first thought, but I am responsible for my second thought. And it's because my first thought that I'm not allowed to set a boundary is my reaction. It's my ingrained, stress driven reaction. But my second thought that I can set a boundary is my response. What I've learned in recovery, how I've learned to take care of myself, how I've learned to use my voice. And a reaction is instinctive. A response requires thought and choice.
Helen Sneed: Well, that's a brilliant way of looking at it because I have. Not quite the same, but a similar response to yours with boundaries. I become sick with guilt, really sick inside and regret. That makes me weep and weep. I feel that I have hurt them and that I'm selfish and spoiled to do that. And it is very difficult for me to stay within my decision to set a boundary even when it's the wisest choice. And now I'm able to do it. But I have to say that it's seldom easy, right?
Valerie Milburn: But you and I have worked really hard with all the skills we've learned to be able to set and keep those boundaries.
Helen Sneed: Yeah. And I can do it now. Vail Health foundation has also some very, very valid and useful suggestions for this time of year. The first one they say is acknowledge and accept. Acknowledge that it's a difficult time of year. Accept the fact that you can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season. There's a Peanuts cartoon that shows Charlie Brown frowning and saying, Christmas is coming. I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel. Acceptance that you do feel that way can really take the pressure off. Now they also recommend managing expectations. List and prioritize what's important to you. Be realistic about what you can and cannot do. Also, let your loved ones know what your limitations are, what you're capable of, so they can adjust their own expectations of you. Now, managing my expectations can be like trying to stop a runaway Mustang. I just, oh, this year I'll make everything perfect. This year it's going to be so wonderful because I'm going to do this, that and the other. And I become manic within minutes because I spiral into these great expectations. I have always expected wonders during the holidays and I have to kind of fight against that every year.
Valerie Milburn: Right? Managing expectations is super important. And those two tips again are from the Vail Health foundation and they have more tips on their website and it's a great resource. And speaking of managing expectations, that is one of the most important things I've learned about going to family gatherings is to go with no expectations. I go being as relaxed as possible and going with that acceptance that is so important because if I go with acceptance, I can stay in that relaxed mode without expecting something. It's that accept out that accept frame of mind that keeps me from getting so wound up because I'm not getting what I think is. It's like Charlie Brown, you know, I don't feel the way I should. I don't expect what I think should happen. I go with the flow. And this is a lot easier now because most of the family I spend time with now love and support me and I love and support them. It's that two way. This was not true in the past and I had to really fight to let go of expectations and move into that acceptance. And I learned to find gratitude where I could and recognize that love comes in many forms.
Valerie Milburn: That managing expectations is a skill both you and I use Helen so now it seems like a good time to talk about the skills and strategies we use all year and definitely during this hectic holiday time. And the first of those strategies and skills I'm going to talk about are for those of us who live with substance use disorder and especially those in early sobriety. One of the first strategies I learned for being in early sobriety during the holidays was to take my own car. When I go to an event, I can come and go as I need to. And that really took the stress off when I was in early sobriety. And these are tips I learned when I got sober. I got sober on October 31st. So that first Thanksgiving was just a few weeks after I got sober and I was in a meeting and and had mentioned, you know, I'm three weeks sober, I've got these family events, these social events and the best tip I got was from a guy I really admired and he came over after the meeting and said Happy Thanksgiving and don't drink. And I thought that was great. Some of the other tips I got that night were to always have a non alcoholic drink in my hand and that way I could always say good thanks when somebody asked me if I needed a drink. Another is to continue for me to go to 12 step meetings. Don't let my regular meeting schedule slip because of the hectic nature of the holidays. To continue to call my sponsor and other supportive people.
Helen Sneed: Well, I would like to address a couple of skills to those of us with eating disorders because it can be a hellish time of year, there is food everywhere, parties, holiday dinners, office parties, gift baskets that come straight to your door. Nora Ephron once wrote, I don't think any day is worth living without thinking about what you're going to eat next at all times. Well, that's amusing for some people, but it's living h*** for those of us with eating disorders. You might want to go back and listen to our episode 10, which is all about eating disorders and recovery. But here are some holiday strategies that help me Be kind to yourself. The stress with food can be very high. Try to tolerate a slip. It's completely understandable. Try not to obsess about your weight. If you do slip, it just adds more stress and pressure. Find someone supportive you can confide in so you're not alone with the struggle. Eat before going out. Don't leave home hungry. Allow yourself some holiday foods. Don't try to perfect abstinence. Plan your activities and when you'll eat so that you'll have that in mind. And use the eating disorders helpline if needed. We're going to give that number out later.
Valerie Milburn: Those are great tips. Now, some of the best advice I've ever followed is not just to go to family expectations with no, not just to go to family gatherings with no expectations, but to go to be of service. And this has been so helpful to me. I have a story about a family reunion
Valerie Milburn: that was really stressful for a lot of my family members, but I pretty much sailed through it because I went with the attitude of being of service to my young nephew who had three little kids, the oldest one three. And before I went, I decided I'm going to be of service to him. It was at the beach. We were going to be going back and forth from the condo to the beach and I had had little kids and I decided I'm going to set up the canopy for him. I'm going to bring down ice chests full of drinks, make sure he's got everything he needs. Snacks. So the kids are fine. Do they have their beach towels? I just spent the weekend taking care of this little family and I so enjoyed myself. They enjoyed themselves. And that being of service applies for me every time I'm in a family gathering or even a social gathering that I think is going to be stressful.
Helen Sneed: You're bringing up one of the most important points I think that we can make, and that is that one of the greatest acts of the holidays is the act of giving. You know, it's sort of the spirit and the driving goal behind so many of people's approach to the holidays. And so I, like you, have found that service work is a godsend. Now, what I've done is volunteer work, which I've talked about how it sustains me all year round, but it's especially important at the holiday season And I have been going to the psych ward of a hospital here in town because I've been in the hospital during the holidays and I think you have too. And it is so sad and you feel so bereft and cut off from everything. And so going in and trying to be cheerful and give people a message about recovery and whatever is giving of myself at the deepest, deepest level.
Valerie Milburn: I have been in a psych ward near the holidays. That year I talked about coming home on the 23rd. The buildup to those holidays would have been so much more difficult if people hadn't been coming in and talking to us, people who were in recovery, long term recovery, were coming in to visit and sharing their stories. And it just meant so much to me and those of us there for the holidays. Now, another thing that really helps my mood during the holiday season is music. I have a playlist I made years ago of all my favorite holiday music and I turn it on when I'm gift wrapping or decorating the tree or cleaning the house or any of the chores that I do during the season. And other times, music can literally change my mood.
Helen Sneed: It does for me, too. And also it brings me, I like big, big carols, you know, in the Messiah and all these huge pieces of music. It brings me joy. It's transcendent.
Valerie Milburn: It is. The other thing that I use, of course, daily, but particularly during the holiday season, is mindfulness. I mean, staying in the moment is the definition of mindfulness, and this is especially important during this hectic season. Mindfulness means being fully aware of the present moment without judgment. And the exercises we've had in this podcast over this year offer practices for doing just that. Staying in the moment without judgment. And in the next few weeks, we will post our next episode, which will have the 2021 mindful exercise favorites. This holiday season is a great time to access your favorite in our next episode.
Helen Sneed: It's going to be great because I just get to relax now. Okay, now we're coming to another skill and a strategy, and this is like your paperwork that I'm bringing up. The first one again is try to make that list of your support people and then also maybe mention the people that's pretty wise to stay away from this year. The other thing is make a budget. I have not done that to my detriment, and I finally do it in a fairly efficient fashion. But, you know, there's nothing worse than waking up on January 1st and going, oh great, on top of everything else, I'm broke. So try to try to Make a budget and even harder still try to stay in it.
Valerie Milburn: Yes. The other thing that we need to stay at is to stay connected. Don't I have to, I have to stay connected during the holidays. Isolating any time of the year is difficult for me. Just more than difficult, just unhealthy. And what I remember, it's so true. And it happens nearly every time I make that call is that the person
Valerie Milburn: I'm calling or inviting for coffee usually says something like, I am so glad you called. I needed somebody to talk to right now. It happens nearly every time. The person I call needs the contact as much as I do.
Helen Sneed: Again, wired and tired, everybody needs a little rest right now. The other things that are two sort of favorites or standbys are therapy and medication. And one thing about therapy at this time of year that can be a challenge is that many doctors and therapists are away on their own holidays. And so what I have found is in therapy is working very hard in those sessions leading up to the holidays to be sure that I have everything in place that I need to get through the holidays, regardless of what arises. And that seems to be a very good way of dealing with the therapeutic relationship. Also the fact that you're going to miss the person and be sort of bereft now with medication, please take it on time. That's what I have to tell myself and take the right amount, do it in a timely fashion. Another thing that I just flat out love is journaling. Because we were talking about how do you find these quiet moments of peace in the midst of all the frenzy? Journaling for me is where I can sit down and calm myself. So I recommend that highly quiet moments.
Valerie Milburn: Of peace come for me through my spiritual practice and this time of the year. Of course, religion is the essence, meaning and purpose of the holiday season for millions and millions of people. And for those of us with a daily spiritual practice, keeping up this practice despite the hectic nature of the season, well, that's, you know, the cornerstone of my life. And I have been a bit overwhelmed by my list for the next day when I review it at night. But I still don't look at my calendar, email, social media or the news before my spiritual practice and meditation every morning. The other thing I still try to do even during this season and I have to fight to keep it up, is exercise in my daily routine. The other thing I always do, and I am good at this, I am proud to say I do sleep my eight hours a night. That's just a no brainer for Me, I know nothing gets done well if I don't and I don't stay mentally healthy without proper sleep.
Helen Sneed: This is also a great time to double down on any coping skills that you use regularly, the ones that work for you. Stay in the moment, try to work on your self talk, tell yourself more positive things in your head. Take opposite action. If you feel like staying home and eating M&Ms, just say no, I'm going to go out and I'm going to go visit cousin Myrna. You know what? It just, just go out, go take a walk, anything. Because this is where your coping skills can really, really help.
Valerie Milburn: In my house, it's homemade praline. So yeah, the other thing for me is practicing gratitude. And the first one is that I focus on the fact that I'm sober and mentally stable because there were so many holidays when I wasn't sober and not stable. And I mean, I used to hate wrapping gifts. Now I love it. It's bizarre. I know an example of gratitude is. And another example of the way music works for me is I turn on the Christmas music when I wrap gifts and I think about how grateful I am to just have the bounty in my life that I'm even able to give gifts and able to wrap them sober. We also want to mention the pandemic strategies and skills for the holidays. An example for me, last year we celebrated Christmas on the patio rather than in the house because we were seeing two or three people at a time outside because of the intensity of COVID at the time. So we decorated our patio, not the house. We bought a little tree, decorated this small little tree. A tree that we could keep year round as a plant.
Helen Sneed: Well, that sounds like a lot of fun. For one thing, something that we started last year are zoom calls. You can get in touch with your far away, your distant friends and family. And so it's something that I think it's not just going to be limited to the pandemic, but the people are going to be using from here on out.
Valerie Milburn: I also focused last year on being thankful for past holiday
Valerie Milburn: memories, not mourning the loss of them. And I also focused on things being different, but not bad and focusing on, you know, it was pretty cool, like you just said, Helen, doing something different. In some ways, my little tree was really cute. And I wrapped the lights a different way, actually wrapped them the way I like them and it was a lot of fun.
Helen Sneed: Well, I think what we're talking about here, and this is true in the pandemic, but I think also really every, every Year is you keep the traditions that you can, you know. And again, we keep saying, focus on what you can do, right? And so what I do is I bake my legendary, justly famous fudge pies. And it's like a ritual that I do every year. And this act of cooking and the familiar smells and all the, you know, the activity of it done again with big carols playing or the Messiah in the background is so important to me. It's almost like it's part of my identity during the holiday season. And when the pies are made, I feel connected to all past holiday seasons, and yet I know I'll be taking them someplace new and different. And so it gives me a real sense of sort of a continuum, you know. And so I also have found that if I'm going somewhere for the holidays, having something to offer makes me feel stronger. And this gets back sort of to this. This. This great act of giving, which is in the spirit of the season. Now, I think my pies lead into a larger issue, which is how do we set our own beautiful traditions? And Rachel Marie Martin wrote, sometimes you have to let go of the story that you thought it would be like and learn to find. Sorry, let me do this again. Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought it would be like and learn to find joy in the story you are actually living. Now learn to find joy in the story you are actually living. I think it's one of the most brilliant things I've read, is my new mantra. I have it on my desk, and I. But, boy, is it right for the holidays, in my opinion.
Valerie Milburn: I love that. Joy and joy in the story you are actually living. I love that. Well, there's a story I'm living these days where on Christmas morning growing up, we would have a chaos of just for breakfast, getting fed before we went to church. And now we have a wonderful breakfast tradition where we make huevos matalenos and it's a production and everybody gets involved. And it's a lovely time to gather and settle in for a slow, calm, lovely breakfast. We also have a tradition of driving to see the lights around the city with the kids. We started that when they were very little, driving the same neighborhoods, and that's been something we've done every year, and that's a lovely tradition. We also have a little gathering of family every year to decorate our tree, which has been important in my life because we had a very stressful time of decorating the tree when we were young. My mother had this Artificial tree. It was blue tinsel. And each. Each limb came in a cardboard sleeve with a number on it. And it had a corresponding number on the stem of the tree. And each branch had to be matched with the corresponding number. And my father would be in the living room cursing throughout the entire putting together of the tree. And we stayed away. Didn't have anything to do with the putting together of the tree. And waited for things to settle down before we went in and decorated it. And now the entire process is fun. And we have a party.
Helen Sneed: Okay, you had nowhere to go but up.
Valerie Milburn: Exactly.
Helen Sneed: Well, I have had a different time of it because I moved to New York City and my family was half a continent away. So I kind of, in some ways, had to build the holidays from scratch. And what I found that I love doing is inviting those without a place to go to come and be with whatever, you know, friends that I've got, you know,
Helen Sneed: and it's, you know, it's people that can't make it home because of work or because of poverty or whatever, or they're. They're getting. They're separating from someone and they're. Anyway, so we have a great time because everyone's so happy to be together. And I have found in New York, I found ways to indulge in music in ways I've never been able to before. I would go to Carnegie hall for the Messiah. And then many of my friends were in theater, so everybody knew how to play the piano and sing. So we'd go to someone's apartment and just sing for hours and have a great time and drive the neighbors crazy. And then there's the lighting of the tree at Rockefeller Plaza, which is so much fun and free. And so these were all these new traditions, and they just took on great meaning for me. And then again, also continuing, for example, to cook the familiar dishes of the past so that I was in some way connected to the old traditions and the happy activities that I had known.
Valerie Milburn: Another wonderful tradition we have come up with in our family is a movie on Christmas night. And when the kids were little, it was really fun to do that because there's, you know, the letdown of Christmas night. And so we always had something fun to look forward to.
Helen Sneed: Yeah, I'm the same way. For some reason, I feel very blue on Christmas night when all it's all over, you know. And so I make sure that I'm with. I either have friends over or go see friends and have, like, you know, maybe one last round of dessert. But anything not to be Alone on Christmas night. It's just not a. It's just not a good plan.
Valerie Milburn: Now, Helen, you and I thought it would be fun to focus on important to focus on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, because we talked about how we've heard a lot of focus on the holiday season leading up to New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, but we haven't really heard a lot of talk about getting through New Year's Eve and focusing on positive thoughts and actions for New Year's Day.
Helen Sneed: Yes, really getting through New Year's Day is the challenge for me.
Valerie Milburn: Right. And New Year's Eve can be hard, particularly for those of us with substance use disorder and particularly. I know my first New Year's Eve was a tough one when I was my first New Year's Eve sober. So I found out my first year that AA clubs have New Year's Eve parties. And I went to that my first year. And my AA club has a first meeting of the year at 12:01 on New Year's Day, 12:01am New Year's Day. And that was so powerful. I went my very first year sober. The other thing I'm always grateful for on New Year's Day is for not being hungover. Now, my New Year's Eve for years was very stressful because I worked my way through college waiting tables at a bar. And the environment on New Year's Eve in a bar is not fun. And so there is the pressure, you know, in some ways for a big celebration on New Year's Eve. And I have no interest in that. And mine is now small and beautiful around a fire in the country.
Helen Sneed: Okay, let me be frank. Here is my take on New Year's. I don't think it's a very subtle holiday. The ball drops, the year is over.
Valerie Milburn: Thud.
Helen Sneed: You either did a good job or you blew it. You know, for me, it's very black and white, which is not mature, but that's the way I tend to look at things. So it's not my favorite holiday. It also reminds me of being stuck at a party with an okay date with hours to go before midnight would strike. So now my favorite New Year's is to go to a small gathering with friends, leave at 11, and be at home sometimes in bed by midnight when it hits. And I lived near Times Square, and so I would literally be at home and could hear everybody cheering and yelling and shouting, Happy New Year and stuff. And I was so glad to be where I was and not out on.
Valerie Milburn: The street, I'm used, I think 99% of the time I'm asleep at midnight on New Year's Eve. Absolutely.
Helen Sneed: Well, I think that's pretty. Sounds good to me. And then there's New Year's Day where you sit and you look at an entire year stretching out before you and there are a
Helen Sneed: million things to be done and so many doubts and dreams for a beautiful future. That's. So here's what I do. And you may want to refer to our episode 9 about goal setting because that's what a lot of I think a lot of looking at the New Year is about. Don't be afraid to name what you want. Nothing is too large or too small. On the other hand, break down your goal into small manageable steps that can be done in a short period of time because those small achievable steps are what leads you to the larger goal Essential. Yeah, don't become overwhelmed by expecting a complete transformation. You know, all those New Year's resolutions are, it just, it's not going to be perfect. Right. Pick three goals out of all of them and allow yourself to really think about them and how they change your life and just again, just sort of sit with them and see where your mind takes you. Find a goals partner who will encourage and support you. This I think is very important. And don't beat yourself up when you fall back. It's a process. It's not a straight linear progression and it's going to happen.
Valerie Milburn: Thank you for being my goals partner so many times.
Helen Sneed: It's been a pleasure and I've really needed you too. So there's also, I guess we really don't want to overlook crisis intervention. If the holidays should become distressing and your symptoms become self destructive, have a crisis intervention plan already in place. Know how you'll proceed to keep yourself safe. And this includes calling 911 or going to the nearest emergency room. And again, remember that many therapists and doctors are on holiday during these weeks. So it's critical to have the name and number of someone to call who will be available should you need them. Now here are some resources that we want to give you today. The National Suicide prevention lifeline is 24 hours a day, seven days a week is 800-273-8255. That's 800-273-8255. Then there's the National Eating Disorders association helpline, 8009-3122-3780-0931-2237. And then there's the text hotline, which is 741741. Again, it's just 741741.
Valerie Milburn: And now it's time for mindfulness, our traditional mindfulness exercise that we wrap up with each episode. And what is mindfulness? I always give a definition. Mindfulness is the practice of being hyper aware of the moment it is being in the present, acknowledging what you are thinking and feeling and accepting it without judgment. Being mindful is about immersing yourself in the present moment to the extent that you are fully aware of everything you are experiencing in that moment. Today's mindfulness exercise is called unhooking from your thoughts. Now, thoughts are a part of everyone's human experience. A mindfulness practice can help us learn to unhook ourselves from negative or unwanted thoughts and simply let them be. We can do this without pushing the thoughts away or denying their presence. And you can be aware of the thinking mind while remaining unattached. Let's try it. If you can, settle into a seated posture and close your eyes. If you are driving, obviously keep your eyes open. Also, if you're driving, please keep your mind on the road and just listen for the gist of this exercise. You can come back to it and try it thoroughly when you can. However, we can all practice the deep breathing. So let's begin with that deep, slow breathing. Breathe in through your nose, expanding your stomach as you inhale. For the count of 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Exhale through your mouth, pulling in your stomach as you exhale. For the count of 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Again. Inhale through your nose, expanding your
Valerie Milburn: stomach for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Exhale through your mouth, pulling in your stomach for 1, 2,3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Once more on your own, think of a shaken snow globe with all that energy swirling around. As you visualize the snow globe, the little snowflakes fall gently to the ground. Think of yourself as a snow globe and every snowflake as a thought. In this way, watch as each thought, each and every snowflake, falls to the ground. Do not force yourself to calm down. Let it happen slowly and organically. Let the thoughts go. Snowflakes falling. Bring your attention to the breath your body. Choose one spot where the breath is felt easily. Maybe the center of the chest, the abdomen, the shoulders. Observe the physical sensation of the body breathing. When your mind wanders, bring it back to your breath. Focus only on your breath. Now stick with the snow globe visualization and as thoughts rise up, visualize them as they slowly settle back down. Snowflakes falling Instead of returning to the breath when the mind wanders, notice what the mind is doing. You may notice yourself planning, figuring out, or replaying past experiences. Whatever you observe the mind doing, let it be. Try not to encourage the thought. Don't push it away either, and then allow it to go on its own. Snowflakes falling, Thoughts falling. Snowflakes falling, thoughts falling. Let the thought follow its natural trajectory as it leaves the mind. Snowflakes falling. Return to the breath. Patiently wait until another thought rises. Notice it. Watch the thought, the snowflake fall. Come back to the breath again. You will continue the mindfulness of the breath and the thoughts, the breath and the thoughts. And that will be your practice. Snowflakes Falling thank you for doing this mindfulness exercise with me.
Helen Sneed: Thank you Valerie. It is a mindfulness time of year. Well, this brings our episode to a close. We hope these strategies and skills can support you in having a manageable, healthy holiday season.
Valerie Milburn: As I mentioned, our next episode is Mindfulness Exercises Revisited. We've chosen our favorites and those others have told us are their favorites to share. Again, I want to thank my friend Charles for this wonderful suggestion.
Helen Sneed: So here's to healthy
Helen Sneed: holidays and we leave you with our favorite word. Onward.