As they discuss intimate and romantic relationships, Valerie and Helen demonstrate the changes and growth of these relationships throughout their journeys. The absolute necessity of friendships was instrumental in their recovery and, at times, literally lifesaving. Join them as they explore the impact of intimacy on a person’s life and mental health.
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Relationships Part Four: Friends, Intimate and Romantic Relationships
Episode 5
Helen Sneed: Welcome to Mental Health Hope and Recovery. I'm Helen Sneed.
Valerie Milburn: And I'm Valerie Milburn.
Helen Sneed: Peoples have fought and overcome severe chronic mental illnesses. Our podcast offers a unique approach to mental health conditions. We use practical skills and inspirational stories of recovery. Our knowledge is up close and personal.
Valerie Milburn: Helen and I are your peers. We're not doctors, therapists or social workers. We're not professionals, but we are experts. We are experts in our own lived experience with multiple mental health diagnoses and symptoms. Please join us on our journey.
Helen Sneed: We live in recovery, so can you.
Valerie Milburn: This podcast does not provide medical advice. The information presented is not intended to be a substitute for or relied upon as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. The podcast is for informational purposes only. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any health related questions you may have.
Helen Sneed: Relationships Part 4 Intimate and romantic Relationships God gives You, your family, but you choose your friends. So the purpose of our discussion today is to talk about how to have intimate relationships in your life. This can be especially difficult for people with mental health conditions. We all know this. And so what we'd like to do is just share with you what we've learned along the way during our own battles for recovery. And one, of course, a major necessity is to eliminate loneliness and isolation. As I've said before, I believe that loneliness is what kills people with mental illness.
Valerie Milburn: Me, too.
Helen Sneed: So, friends, first, we're going to start with our struggles and then share the many positives we have about friendships in our lives. So please bear with us until we get to the positives, and then we'll address romantic relationships later. What is a friend? A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations. That's the Oxford Dictionary. We like that one. Pretty much what I have always wanted in terms of friendship is I wanted to know a great all kinds of people. And that's why I love New York City with a great diversity of people there. Brooke Astor called it the beautiful landscape of people. But before we get into this, Valerie has done some really interesting research on the impact of not having relationships in a person's life. And so, Valerie, some of it's kind of chilling, but, Valerie, tell us what you learned.
Valerie Milburn: I have learned some interesting statistics. I went on the CDC website, the national center for Disease Control, and found out that social isolation significantly increases a person's risk for premature death from all
Valerie Milburn: causes, and that risk may rival those risks that are associated with smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity. It also shows that social isolation was associated with a 50% increased risk of dementia, and that poor social relationships characterized by social isolation and loneliness was associated with a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke. And the last one is one that really comes home here, where we discuss mental health issues. Loneliness was associated with a higher. With higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide. Now, looking at those statistics really makes me think about, as we just said, the importance of friendships, and makes me think about how do you make sure we have those relationships in our lives? And I want to refer back to episode three, where we talked about healthy relationships and support networks, where, Helen, you and I shared how we build and keep relationships and support systems in our lives. So if you missed episode three, refer back to it. There are lots of ways that we talk about building and keeping these relationships in our lives because you Know, Helen, you and I have been very fortunate in that we have many long term relationships, many friends that are both long term friends and friends we've built in all stages of our lives. And this is something neither one of us takes for granted.
Helen Sneed: No, not at all. You're right. I guess I led sort of a charmed life. I had many friends before I got sick, and then I abandoned most of them, even though they did keep trying to make contact for years to come. I just simply was too bad off and I felt too inferior. But I did develop friends in the treatment community where I was more at ease and my double life became a single life of sickness and friends in the treatment world now. It was great. It was very bolstering to have friends in the same boat because, you know, they got it. And there's an example I have of how incredibly tight and important these friendships became to me. I was in an outpatient program in one of New York's big hospitals, and there were about eight of us who became really close friends. And we did not want to go home when the program was over every day because we didn't want to go back to those empty, lonely apartments. And we would literally sit for hours talking and smoking. It was a different time under the trees on the hospital grounds. And we would stay until nightfall because it was that important for us to be together.
Valerie Milburn: I get that. I have many friends in the recovery community now, and they are very, very important to my recovery and are dear, dear friends to me now. You know, we're talking about losing friends and during your struggles. And I too, lost friends. I particularly lost two dear friends due to my mental health crisis. And it was interesting. One I ended the relationship with, and one ended the relationship on her terms. She ended the relationship with me. And the one where I had to end the relationship was with a friend of 16 years. And it was because I was struggling so hard to get sober at the time. And she knew I was struggling to get sober. And she would show up at my house with a half gallon of vodka and a st of crystal meth, two of my drugs of choice. And, you know, it was very difficult. What are friends for, really? It was very difficult and sad to end this relationship. But, you know, I was fighting for my sobriety and that had to come first. Now, the other friend was a college roommate, a former college roommate, and we were still friends when I got really sick with my mental illness at age 34. And I'm not sure what caused her to withdraw, but I know I was an Unreliable and unstable friend at this point. I was unpredictable and highly emotional. And I know I wasn't easy to be friends with during that time. And she stopped returning my calls and my text and makes me think about something. My sponsor says that we have friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And my friend was my. Was my friend for a reason and a season, but our friendship did not last our lifetime.
Helen Sneed: That's a. I think that's just a stunning quote because we all, you know, we talk about how many friends we have and everything, and we're so lucky when we, you know, admit to this. But not
Helen Sneed: all of them last. You know, they have a seasonal aspect or whatever. I just began to really mess up in my friendships. I became completely unreliable socially, and I would accept an invitation for two weeks later, you know, two weeks farther down the road to go to the theater. And then I would just feel too bad when the day came there to even get out of my bedroom. And so I flaked on people constantly. And worse still, I just would cancel at the last minute, which we know is unconscionable. I reached a point where I didn't make or return phone calls or emails. And then I seldom left my apartment. And what I find the creepiest thing looking back on it is I would not let anyone come in my apartment.
Valerie Milburn: That's isolation. And that isolation is so deadly. And I, too, was isolating. And in some ways, I was isolating in a house full of family, which I think people can relate to. I mean, I can feel isolated sometimes in a room full of people. And when I was really sick, I was isolating to the point of missing important events. I even missed one of my son's birthday parties. And I would spend three or four days at a time barely getting out of bed. And that was isolating in a house full of family. And that was really difficult.
Helen Sneed: Yeah. And it just shows that you can be alone and surrounded by people, which, you know, I think some people think, oh, well, you know, she has a family, so she's fine. It's just simply not that easy an obstacle. Another obstacle to me for intimate friendships was telling the truth versus pleasing and charming people. And that's my greatest. Been my greatest shortcoming throughout my life. The brilliant Shirley Hazard said, the greatest untruth in life comes from the desire to please.
Valerie Milburn: That's a powerful quote.
Helen Sneed: That's me in a sentence, you know, because I was so insecure that I felt like I had to please the whole world, you know, all the time. And I Was good at it. If that meant lying, I lied. And I was just too afraid to let people know me because I was so convinced that I was repulsive underneath and that if I was unable to put on a show, nobody would want to have anything to do with me.
Valerie Milburn: I, too, lived a double life. I was functioning at a really high level for a pretty long time. And it was such a dichotomy because I was functioning and didn't often look like I was consuming massive amounts of drugs and alcohol. But I was. I was also just so dishonest on so many levels. I would do things like pretend I needed to go to the grocery store all of the time, super often, so that I could get the maximum amount of cash back as you can do at the grocery store. And that was to make sure I always had cash for drugs and alcohol. I had three doctors writing pain medication prescriptions for me. I was just dishonest, like I said, on so many levels.
Helen Sneed: And the interesting thing is that, you know, you didn't get caught. That's the part that. So you must have really been a good actor. Another thing that I needed to learn about is we constantly are harping on communications. And I was a good communicator, a good talker, But I needed to become a better and wiser listener. I mean, I was funny, so people were drawn to me, but that was my public self, you know? And I thought that's the only thing that was good about me. And it was so exhausting to put on this show all the time that I had to have a lot of downtime to recuperate. But I did have a lot to learn about communications and looking at the other person's point of view.
Valerie Milburn: You are funny, that's for sure.
Helen Sneed: That's all we get. And then another thing that was a problem for me was that I was very judgmental. I judged everyone I met, no one more harshly than myself. I was raised to be a social snobber, and I got over that. And then an intellectual snob. But the great change came in the hospital where I spent 15 months. And my values there changed radically. Because I learned that every person has something of value to give me, and I have something of value to give them. Every person has a kingdom inside. And learning this changed my life for the better.
Valerie Milburn: That's so beautiful. Every person has a kingdom inside. Well, we're moving into the positive on that note. Yes. Yes, we are. And I know one of the things that you talk about that is so positive in your life is dialectical. Behavioral therapy, dbt. And I know that had a lot to do with your being able to build friendships
Valerie Milburn: again.
Helen Sneed: Well, you know, we like to pass on skills as often as we can. And as I look back on it and actually through today, the DBT skill that has helped me become a better friend again is called opposite action. And that means that you have to take opposite action to the way that you're feeling or thinking, which is really hard to do. And so I had to go out when I wanted to isolate and I had to dress myself and be ready to go on time when I wanted to stay in bed. And this has helped me become more reliable than I've ever been in my entire life. I began to answer the phone and email, you know, again, periodically, at least. And I became really reliable. And I finally, finally began to initiate social activities and to give back to my friends.
Valerie Milburn: That importance of friendships. I know when you were able to rebuild them, it was a big step toward your recovery. And I knew that I needed to improve my friendships as I got well. And I was able to do that also by becoming reliable. And I knew I wanted those relationships back because I had always known the importance of friends. And something my husband said to me once really drove that home, how important my friends were. He told me once that he couldn't be all things to me. And at first I didn't understand it or it p***** me off or both. But I eventually figured that out, that no, you can't expect one person to fill all your needs and be all things to you.
Helen Sneed: That's really wise.
Valerie Milburn: It is. It took me a while to get there, but thinking about that that one person can't fill all your needs reminds me of the six types of intimacy that we mentioned last episode. Those six types of intimacy are physical, emotional, intellectual, creative, experiential and spiritual. And if you think about that, there's no way one person can help you fill your desire for all those types of intimacy. And you know, I get those needs for those different types of intimacy met through my friends. Creative intimacy, you know, you and I have that, Helen. We have this podcast together, we present together through national alliance on Mental Illness, Central Texas. We developed programming together for nami and we have a cherished friendship, you know, and it's just wonderful. And one of the other intimate intimacy types is spiritual. And the most important relationship in my life after my family is probably with my 12 step sponsor. And that is a spiritual and emotional relationship. And I get so much spiritual direction from my sponsor. And we have a deep spiritual Connection. And that is something that I cherish and rely on. So that's a deep level of intimacy with my sponsor.
Helen Sneed: Well, I have been so lucky with friendships in terms of being in a crisis where you really, really, really have to rely on someone. One day I was all set to kill myself. And I had the plan and the means and everything, and I just had to wait till dark. And I spent the day driving in and out of the driveways of people that I loved. And then I would say, no, that person can't help me. So I was really beyond sort of, you know, any sort of human aid. And so night did fall, and instead of doing myself in, I found myself on the doorstep of a dear friend. And thank God she was home. And I just sort of fell into her living room and fell apart. And she did everything right. And of course, she literally saved my life. And that's what friendships can do in these extreme moments.
Valerie Milburn: I too had two friends who helped me in extreme moments of distress at two different times. Two different friends picked me up drunk, took me to their homes, drew me a bath, bandaged my wounds from self harm, fed me, gave me a place to sleep, and then took me home when I was ready. I'm forever, forever grateful to those friends.
Helen Sneed: It's amazing what people will do if you let them. That can be the hardest part, the biggest barrier. I did something sort of odd with my friends in terms of this business of my trying to be truthful. And I told some of my closest friends about
Helen Sneed: my cutting because it had really gotten out of control. And it was very interesting because most of them were sweet and sympathetic and said, oh, I'm so sorry you do that to yourself. And I hope that someday you won't have to do it anymore. But then a couple of people were really angry with me. And then one friend, I told him, and he just kind of paused. And then he just went on with whatever topic we'd been talking about. And this is where I learned something important about the truth. Because I had thought that I would be abandoned if I told the people these things. And I didn't lose one friend from telling them the truth.
Valerie Milburn: Wow, that's true. Friendships. And I really applaud your honesty to be able to find the courage to do that. I know we're going to talk about that in upcoming episodes, and you and I both have a lot to share on the topic of self harm. Another thing we wanted to talk about is the kindness of strangers.
Helen Sneed: Yes, the, you know, Tennessee Williams famous line that Blanche dubois says you Know, I'm going to paraphrase, but I have always relied upon the kindness of strangers. And, Val, you have a story that I just brings tears to my eyes that I love.
Valerie Milburn: I do. Helen and I. Helen, you and I have talked about this, and it's a story that still just moves me every time I share it. When I was teaching high school, I was still very shaky. When I first started teaching high school, I got sober at the same time I started teaching, and I was having a very bad day. A couple. About 18 months into teaching, I was sitting in the teacher's lounge heading into teaching a difficult, difficult class. I was about 18 months sober, and I was having a difficult time. Not just a difficult day, it was a difficult time. And there was a custodian cleaning the teacher's lounge while I was sitting on the couch, just really wondering how I was going to handle the next class. And he came over to me and said, there's an angel going with you to your next class, and walked off. And, I mean, the blood just ran deep, you know, And I felt this. This warmth. And I walked to my class, and I felt protected. And while I was in the class, I could just feel myself engulfed with an angel. And it was truly the kindness of a stranger.
Helen Sneed: That is so lovely.
Valerie Milburn: It was really amazing. And going from strangers to family, for a second, I wanted to. Before we.
Helen Sneed: Which not everyone can do, right.
Valerie Milburn: I have three family members who are not just family, but friends. And I think that's kind of a rare component with family members to have true, deep friendships as well as have them be family members. And they're my sister, my daughter, and my husband. One of my sisters is a dear, dear friend. She's a friend, a supporter, a cheerleader. We talk every day, often several times a day. We see each other three or four times a week. We text all day. She is just my friend and my daughter, this beautiful, smart, witty woman who's also an amazing mother. I'm blessed to have her as my daughter and my friend.
Helen Sneed: You are.
Valerie Milburn: I just think that's very special between a mother and a daughter. I know I wasn't friends with my mother and my daughter and I talk every morning while she walks, usually for the entire hour of her walk. And it's really amazing. We go back and forth and talk as girlfriends do, and then we'll talk as mothers and daughters do. Then we'll talk as mothers to mothers do. And I don't even know how to describe what this relationship means to me. And last but not least of These three My husband is my best friend, period. And an incident that sums up the importance of friendship was when my husband, who was a 37 year old bachelor when we married, was asked by a friend of his, how do you know she's the one after all the women you've dated by the age of 37? And my husband answered, because she's also my friend.
Helen Sneed: I think she got a very wise husband.
Valerie Milburn: I like him.
Helen Sneed: Okay, well, as I've said, he's a keeper. So I think, simply put, for me, when we come back, just to friendship, friendship is the crown of my existence and it will be for the rest of my life in recovery.
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Helen Sneed: Now we come to romantic relationships. And Valerie and I have had quite a time of it. We just couldn't. You know, you do want to find a definition, you know, just something, you know, something to depart from if nothing else. And everything was either too cheesy or too pedantic or just too sappy. Sappy or just, you know, frankly, just kind of dumb. And you could just shoot a gun, shoot bullets through all of them. So what we decided is, okay, so we'll go back and we'll look at what the great poets had to say. So there is the, of course, the beautiful quote from Shakespeare where he says, shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Valerie Milburn: And my first thought was, wait a minute, does that romance of a summer's day hold on? A Texas summer day when it's 102 degrees and I'm sweaty and grumpy?
Helen Sneed: I don't think Shakespeare knew that.
Valerie Milburn: Nope.
Helen Sneed: But it's a good question. And it actually gets sort of, I think, to the gist of romantic relationships. So here's a semi adequate definition. Romance or romantic love? Is an emotional feeling of love for or a strong attraction towards another person and behaviors undertaken by an individual to express those overall feelings and emotions. That's from Wikipedia. You can kind of tell. But here's something from Robert Sternberg that we like a lot. It's three simple words. Intimacy, passion, commitment.
Valerie Milburn: And I like that one because that's the goal. Intimacy, passion, commitment. That's the goal.
Helen Sneed: Yeah, it just makes it. You start thinking you can't think of anything that doesn't fall into one of those three categories. We're going to talk about our own experiences today. And we said share what we've learned because this is what we have to offer is kind of what's happened to us. And I have to go back a little bit into my background before I can talk about romantic relationships in my life. It was a different age, different era, and my brother was supposed to be president of the United States and I was just supposed to be docile and good looking enough to marry well. And this was the dominant message at all levels of my life. Homeschool, church, society. And yet I never wanted to marry. I don't know why, but I never fantasized about it as a child and ever now. I dated and had boyfriends. The pressure, of course, was incredible. And I made some good choices and some really bad choices and I would put up with anything because I was so flabbergasted that a guy found me attractive. So my whole life centered around pleasing the man. Regardless of my own accomplishments or abilities. It was all about him. And not for one minute did I believe that any man in the wide green world would stay with me. And so in the midst of all this, I discovered the cure for fear of abandonment. Leave first. And that became my pattern. I'd get involved, but then I would always leave first so I wouldn't get rejected. Ashwinka asked me, why did you never marry? And I said I couldn't handle the nudity.
Valerie Milburn: I told you you were funny.
Helen Sneed: Well, there are two romantic relationships from my past where I learned the most good and bad. There was first the man I was engaged to marry. And we loved each other for many years, but I always backed out of a permanent relationship. Excuse me. We lived together for three years before I left him. I just couldn't handle the intimacy when I was so full of self doubt and self loathing and whatever. I couldn't tell him the truth about myself. I only realized much later that he had become my best friend and was one of the greatest human beings
Helen Sneed: I'd ever Known. But he died. And I never got to tell him that.
Valerie Milburn: That makes me think of three words that are not good to say to ourselves. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. But, you know, it makes me think, anyway, that if that relationship could have happened at a different time in your life, things could have been different. And I'm really sorry that happened. And you lost him.
Helen Sneed: Yeah, it was quite one of the biggest losses of my long life. Now, this second relationship, I'm telling it because it's ugly, but if I can spare one person what I have been through and the resounding destructive impact of it over many years after it happened, then I will have succeeded today. And this was a relationship with my psychiatrist. He initiated a sexual relationship that lasted for six years. And this is a second class felony in Texas. It is that forbidden? It was intimacy with no boundaries. It was completely outside normalcy or society. And I kept it a total secret. I did not tell one soul for six years. And I felt honored that he was risking so much for me. And I wanted to protect him from being found out. You know, that was sort of my objective. He had complete power over me now. He was married with children. He was a pillar of respectability, and he was very highly thought of in his field, which just makes it even worse. But because I told no one, I had no one to turn to but him. And I did make repeated attempts to break away because I was so miserable underneath it all. But he always persuaded me to stay with him. This was one of the most destructive things that ever happened to me. And he chose well because I never took action against him. But I survived him, although it cost me a decade of my life. And I learned a lot about boundaries, to say the least. Finally, I was able to stop blaming myself for what happened. But it put me off romantic relationships for so many years.
Valerie Milburn: Helen, I've heard you mention this. You've mentioned this numerous times, but I've never heard you talk about it in quite that detail. And I'm really honored that you shared it. I'm also very glad that you stopped blaming yourself, because there was no blame. That was an abusive relationship.
Helen Sneed: It was. I didn't know it, but it was.
Valerie Milburn: Yes, you also learned a lot of boundaries because boundaries were broken on so many levels. I have also learned boundaries from my relationships. I talked a lot about my marriage in our last episode because we talked about nuclear families in that episode. So I'll go at it from a different angle today and discuss what I learned from mainly one previous romantic relationship that I had had before I met my husband. And that relationship taught me some boundaries that helped me, that helped guide my relationship with my husband. I finally learned those boundaries, learned to say no. Finally. I hadn't been able to say no about what seems like the simplest of things, but they were actually huge. My boyfriend and I were working. I was working my way through school at a bar and he worked there. So after work was 2am and he would say, let's go out to breakfast now. No matter how much I wanted to go home, I'd go to breakfast. Seems small, but it actually was violating what I wanted to do. And that's never small. He would also say, let's go water skiing with the gang on Sunday. And no matter how much studying I needed to do, I was in school and a serious student. I'd go water skiing. Now granted, I was a speed addict and my boyfriend was my dealer. So staying up all night to study wasn't a problem.
Helen Sneed: It was kind of convenient.
Valerie Milburn: Kind of convenient. But seriously, this inability to say no affected my self esteem, my serenity and my need for drugs somehow. When I started my new relationship with my soon to be husband, I was on a different path. And I could say things like, no, I need to study Sunday or no, I have a morning class tomorrow. And I don't know how I knew to do this except that it was God doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. There was one other major lesson I learned from that early relationship. I learned that I never wanted to live with a man again without being married to him because I had lived with that college boyfriend. And it was a disaster. Maybe it was because I was so young, I don't know. But I knew I didn't want to try that again. When I met my husband, soon to be
Valerie Milburn: husband, I was living alone for the first time at age 21. And I loved living alone. I mean, after that drug filled, emotionally unhealthy relationship, I was at a point where I had no intention of ever living with anyone again. And today, Helen, we are in a different place, aren't we?
Helen Sneed: Yes, we are definitely in a different place. And I think that we are reaping the rewards of what we've gone through. Don't you?
Valerie Milburn: Yes.
Helen Sneed: I mean, we've talked about it today, but I've never really sat down and looked at this head on before. And to see how far I've come and I know you've come is sort of like an Old Testament miracle or something. Because today I'm in a seven year relationship with a wonderful man. And that sort of brings us back to the title of this episode, Intimate and Romantic Relationships. I can honestly say that my friendships are as important to me as anything in my life and as necessary as oxygen. And generally speaking, I have learned to treat people well, as my father taught me when I was still a little child. The most important thing is to treat all people with courtesy and respect, regardless of their gender, age, race, station in life. My gratitude for my people, my tribe, the family, of my own choosing, never ceases. It only grows.
Valerie Milburn: Gratitude is definitely the overwhelming emotion for me as we close this conversation as we head into our mindfulness exercise in just a minute. But gratitude is definitely the emotion for me because I have these deep friendships and my friends and I have laughed together, cried together, celebrated birthdays, weddings and births and new jobs together. I've traveled with my friends. My friends and I have supported each other through illnesses and deaths. Now we're going to grow old together. I mean, what more can I ask for? So here we are at our mindfulness exercise. We end every episode with a mindfulness exercise. And what is mindfulness? I always give a definition. Mindfulness is the practice being hyper aware of the moment it is being in the present, acknowledging what you are thinking and feeling and accepting it without judgment. Being mindful is about immersing yourself in the present moment to the extent that you are fully aware of everything you are experiencing in that moment. Today's mindfulness exercise is mindful awareness. Awareness of the simple things. This exercise is designed to cultivate a heightened awareness and appreciation of simple daily tasks and the results they achieve. Mindful awareness is thinking of something that happens every day more than once, something you take for granted, like opening a door. For example, at the very moment you touch the doorknob on that door, you could stop for a moment and be mindful of where you are. Be mindful of how you feel in that moment and where that door will lead you. Another example, after you sit down in your car, when you put your hands on the steering wheel, pause and feel the wheel on the palms of your hands. Appreciate your physical ability to drive your car. Appreciate that your brain facilitates your understanding of how to drive your car, and appreciate the blessing of owning a car. So let's give it a try. Now, if you're driving, you may be able to adapt the example of the steering wheel that I just gave you, but you may not be able to do the following exercise, but you can remember it and do it later. So if you can join me now, here we Go. If you are listening on your phone right now, put your finger on the up or down volume button. Change the volume. Take a moment to appreciate your hand that enables this process of changing the volume and to appreciate your brain that facilitates your understanding of how to use your phone. Appreciate the blessing of owning a phone. That's it.
Valerie Milburn: Now, doing that over and over throughout the day, a couple of times a day on those simple tasks is a mindfulness practice because being mindfully aware can be that simple and that powerful. These simple acts, done throughout our days of being aware of and appreciating our surroundings, of living in the moment, can stop ruminating thoughts, decrease our anxiety and lower our stress. And you know what? You can try combining today's exercise with others from all of our episodes. Also, these touch point cues don't have to be physical ones. You can think of a negative thought and choose to take a moment to stop, label the thought as unhelpful and release the negativity. You could even take time each time you smell food and stop and appreciate how lucky you are to have good food to eat and to share with your family and friends. So choose a touch point, physical one or mental one that resonates with you today. And instead of going through your daily motions on autopilot, take occasional moments to stop and cultivate purposeful awareness of what you are doing and the blessings these actions bring to your life.
Helen Sneed: Thank you Valerie. It's good to know and I hope it's going to be very effective to practice works.
Valerie Milburn: So this episode concludes our four part series on relationships. Helen, we've gone through a deep dive taking. Yeah, we really took a deep dive. We looked at healthy and unhealthy relationships. We looked at the therapeutic relationship, we looked at relationships with families and friends and intimate and romantic relationships. And we encourage our listeners to go back and listen to any of those relationship episodes that you missed. In our next episode, you and I are going Helen and I are going to discuss. We're going to share our journeys with two difficult to discuss subjects, suicidal ideation and self harm. Now these subjects are often regarded as taboo subjects. These severe symptoms are going to be treated with candor, caution and careful judgment. A therapist will join us in our examination of the complex facets of suicidal ideation and self injury. We hope that relating our own experiences can provide understanding, tolerance and the ability to overcome and triumph over these self destructive tendencies.
Helen Sneed: Until then, Valerie and I want to thank you for joining us. We're honored and delighted to have you spend some time with us and we'd love to hear back from you. You know, send us your ideas, feedback, criticism. Our email is mentalhealthhopeandrecoverygmail.com that's easy. And please, please let us hear from you. And now we leave you with our favorite sentiment. Onward.