The extreme impact of the pandemic on American mental health has become common knowledge. Mental health challenges are now front and center in our consciousness and conversation. This is regarded as a positive outcome of the pandemic in our lives. As Helen and Valerie delve into their own struggles, survival skills, and successes during this unprecedented national crisis, they are faced with a compelling question. Have we gained anything of lasting value? Is there an upside to the pandemic’s mental health challenges?
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The Impact of the Pandemic on Adult Mental Health: What’s the Upside?
Episode 17
Helen Sneed: Welcome to Mental Health Hope and Recovery. I'm Helen Sneed.
Valerie Milburn: And I'm Valerie Milburn.
Helen Sneed: We both have fought and overcome severe chronic mental illnesses. Our podcast offers a unique approach to mental health conditions. We use practical skills and inspirational true stories of recovery. Our knowledge is up close and personal.
Valerie Milburn: Helen and I are your peers. We're not doctors, therapists or social workers. We're not professionals. But we are experts. We are experts in our own lived experience with multiple mental health diagnoses and symptoms. Please join us on our journey.
Helen Sneed: We live in recovery.
Valerie Milburn: So can you this podcast does not provide medical advice. The information presented is not intended to be a substitute or relied upon as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. The podcast is for informational purposes only. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any health related questions you may have. Welcome to Mental Health Hope and recovery episode 18 the impact of the Pandemic on Adult Mental Health what's the Upside? Well Helen, here we are just over two years since the pandemic began. The upheaval, fear, uncertainty and immeasurable losses of this time in our history are well recorded. The pandemic has been an ongoing and consuming subject of the national dialogue. It seems like no American has been exempt from the impact of COVID on all our lives. So today in this episode, we want to look at the state of American mental health, but focus on what comes out after the dramatic nationwide increases in symptoms and illnesses. We want to try to answer the question, is there an upside to the mental health crisis we're facing? Helen, you and I don't want to ignore the dire consequences, but we are intrigued and challenged by what lies on the other side. As a result, we're going to look at the realities of the pandemic in our own lives and the ways that we've managed to turn some of the negatives into positive life experiences that have left us stronger and wiser, better equipped to deal with the cataclysmic changes as we begin to move forward, because we are moving forward and we want to look at any positive aspects that have come out of this crisis because I believe that we can learn and grow from any extreme adversity. I know I learned and grew from having to cope with my own mental health conditions being intensified by the pandemic. Helen, you and I will both share our mental health journeys during the pandemic. In today's episode, we want to focus on support, progress and momentum and the weapons that Americans can use to fight for their own recovery.
Helen Sneed: And let me hasten to reassure you that we don't mean to make it the pandemic sound easy. A Center for Disease Control survey in June of 2020 found that 40% of American adults reported struggling with mental health or substance abuse. Alcohol related deaths rose 25% and drug related deaths rose 30% in the first year of the pandemic alone. Depression and anxiety have more than doubled over two years,
Helen Sneed: some say as high as quadrupled. The impact of the pandemic on people who were already battling mental illness has been triggering and dangerous as their illnesses and symptoms have escalated. On the other hand, individuals with no prior experience of a mental health condition are now in the grip of one. In some cases, a person with deep personal struggle is also responsible for a child and or parent who is suffering and in need of support. In an American Psychological association poll from January 2022, so this is very recent, 70% of the respondents said they were fearful that the pandemic had impacted their children's social, academic and emotional development. Three generations can become ill at the same time, all based on the shared experience of the pandemic that has traumatized so many. One respondent said it felt like a constant stream of crises without a break. Over the last two years, mental health issues and challenges have risen to the forefront of the American consciousness and conversation. We think this new openness and frank discussion is one of the positive aspects we can recognize. So what other positive aspects do we hope to highlight today? That brings us to our objectives to examine the positive outcomes from the increased attention on mental health caused by the pandemic through sharing our own journeys to highlight what we have learned from the pandemic about how to restore and maintain our mental health to consult with a mental health therapist on her professional perspective of the pandemic, its impact and methods for best treatment, and to discuss the strategies, skills and relationships that have been used effectively to help those with a mental health challenge cope with the pandemic and rediscover hope.
Valerie Milburn: To help us achieve those objectives. We have a wonderful guest joining us today, and I love it when we have guests. Heather Newby is with us today. Heather is a licensed professional counselor, having earned her degree at Texas State University. She is the owner of Esteem Counseling, Austin. Heather is passionate about working with individuals with a complex family or relationship history. She believes our history has the ability to shape us, but that it's up to us to choose how we move forward and determine our own story. Heather's additional areas of interest include working with caregivers, specifically family members, caring for a spouse, parent or child, regaining financial stability, building self compassion, and reducing anxiety, panic and depression. One particular area of interest, helping families stabilize after a health crisis, makes her an excellent guest for today's episode. Welcome, Heather. Thanks for joining us.
Heather Newby: Thank you, ladies. It's wonderful to be here. I appreciate it.
Helen Sneed: Well, we are delighted to have you. And I'm afraid that we have a barrage of question. Fasten your seatbelt. Okay, so I think for me, the first question is sort of more of an overview. From your perspective, where is mental health currently after two years of the pandemic?
Heather Newby: Oh, well, honestly, I think we're in a much better place for mental health for the people who are actually out pursuing it. I think that we're talking about it much, much more than we were two years ago. It's become in your face a little bit when you turn on the television now there's stories about it. May is mental health month. And so there's a lot of stories about it right now. But, you know, I think for a lot of people, the pandemic put a spotlight on, on everything that they were afraid of, everything that they've been worried about. They couldn't escape it for really, for anything. There was no going out. There was no socializing. We were trapped at home. And so for a lot of people, that was detrimental. And it really, that's where all the numbers, the statistics come from. But for a lot of other people, brought the people who were on their televisions coming in and saying, hey, I am suffering from mental health. This is scary for me. I'm seeing a therapist. And I tell you what,
Heather Newby: my business escalated immediately. 2020 was a big, big year because so Many people were reaching out and they weren't afraid to anymore. There wasn't a stigma. They weren't going into their offices, a lot of them. So the fact that they could just reach out and reach out like we're reaching out right now over a Zoom call to talk to somebody, to confide in somebody, to say, hey, I'm not okay, that became a lot more normalized.
Valerie Milburn: You mentioned about it being crippling. The staying home is crippling. And that leads me into talking about my story, the first part of it, which was what happened, what crippled me. And well, it. I was at the beginning of the pandemic, absolutely laid low. I at first felt myself just going flat, crying easily, not sleeping well, and I was also baking every day and rapidly gaining weight. Not a good thing. But you know what? I didn't examine why any of this was happening or address it until the ultimate warning sign hit. And that was one morning. My first thought was, how am I going to get through this day? That's when I knew I was in trouble. So I called my sponsor and she had me write about what I was grieving the losses. Grieving the losses the pandemic lockdown had caused. And she had to point that out to me. And when I wrote about it, I realized what I was grieving most was the personal contact I had lost with so many people I cared about. I realized that only my sister and my daughter and her family were still fully in our lives. So much human contact had been lost. My sponsees weren't coming over for weekly meetings. My brother wasn't hugging anymore. There were no coffees, lunches, or dinners with my dear friends. And big thing, my always full calendar was suddenly blank. Nami, the national alliance on Mental Illness. NAMI presentations had stopped and ZOOM presentations weren't happening yet. I didn't even know ZOOM was then. NAMI presentations are one of the most important parts of my recovery and an incredibly fulfilling part of my life. And they were just gone. Also, Alcoholics Anonymous meetings had stopped and AA is my recovery foundation. I wasn't going to any stores. I wasn't seeing my favorite baristas, not going out to dinner and dinners out or one of my husband's and my favorite things to do. Then we canceled the trip we were supposed to take for my 60th birthday. Life as I knew it had completely changed. But examining what was going on for me, what was causing my depression, helped me tremendously. I had to deal with this with my pre existing condition of bipolar disorder depression being the major symptom in the past, falling into depression is always a risk for me. I had crashed, and I needed help.
Helen Sneed: Well, Valerie, we kind of went through this together, I guess I would say. But there were some similarities in how we fell apart, and then some differences. So Covid's impact on my life came in three stages. The first was that I absolutely was sort of destroyed. Then there was digging out, and then there's where I am today. So what happened? Well, for me, it was like an amputation. Social and family relationships were cut off abruptly. I had a real fear of death for others and for myself, I was gravely concerned for others who were hit hard by the restrictions of the pandemic. You know, not just myself. Several close friends were in crisis and needed my support. I believed that I was so much better off than most people that I had no right to feel bad. And so the guilt and shame grew as I was deteriorating. I live alone, and the isolation was brutal. And then no work. The theater field was obliterated by Covid. Broadway, and all the theaters in the country literally shut down overnight. And then there was volunteer work, stopped all together because it was in person and no one could do it. And I'm writing a book, and I had been really making some very good progress moving along. And when the pandemic hit, I became completely blocked. I could not focus and, frankly, couldn't really see the purpose of trying to finish it. So then there was treatment. Well, my beloved psychiatrist of 15 years retired in the midst of all this. And in our final months together, we attempted a medication change that had a disastrous
Helen Sneed: impact. So I had that, too, in terms of my health. The isolation, which is just really lethal for me, led to a return of uncontrollable symptoms. And my eating disorder just exploded, which was just crushing to me because I'd had it under control for some years. My gym closed. You couldn't go anyway. And then it went under, as so many small businesses did. So I had no consistent exercise. And what was really disturbing is my skills were not very effective. I'm big on them. And I'm always talking about dbt, dialectical behavior therapy. And even it only helps sporadically. So with no structure, I became paralyzed, and I couldn't manage my hours or my days, and my thoughts became uncontrollably dark and negative and unmanageable. Then. I know this is true for most people, but there were no life events, no birthdays, weddings, graduations, funerals, no rituals for this bleak time of so many losses. I ended up with no people, no work, and no purpose. And these things are like oxygen to me. And I went from a fulfilling life of action, work, and people to isolation, living alone. I just couldn't get to the people in my life. You know, everyone was, was, was in quarantine. So I began to just sit around and count my losses. And as the long months crawled by, my life and my world came to closely resemble the many years that I was so sick and alone, without hope.
Valerie Milburn: Yes, our journeys were similar, but very different. And we did go through it together. And thank you for sharing that. You illustrated it just so precisely and so beautifully. I mean, I can really see your challenges and the pain you went through. Thank you.
Helen Sneed: Well, thank you. I think we both can be very.
Valerie Milburn: Eloquent on the subject of health, subject of h***. We're eloquent. Yes, that's true. Been there. So this leads me to the next question for you, Heather. You saw. Just listen to the challenges we faced. What kind of challenges? What were the new challenges that arose for you as your patients responded to the pandemic?
Heather Newby: First, let me say how very eloquent you both just explained how so many people felt during the pandemic. It made me tear up just hearing your stories and also hopeful at the same time because you are so eloquently able to put your words to it. So thank you for sharing that. To share a little bit about my story. When the pandemic hit, I was on a boat on my way from Isla Mujeres to. We were supposed to be going to Honduras, and we ended up getting stopped in Brazil. No, not Brazil, in Belize. And we in Honduras had closed.
Helen Sneed: So.
Valerie Milburn: Right.
Heather Newby: We were. So I had left my practice on Thursday, the 12th of March. We got on a plane at like something like 6am on Friday the 13th, which was the day that Austin started shutting everything down. And so I left my practice on Thursday, and I came back, I think, the 20th or something to that effect, to no practice, to having to figure out how to start a practice, and basically came back to, we're going to learn zoom, like you said. I think I'd heard of zoom, but I was Googling on my phone in the boat in the middle of the ocean going, how do I practice for my clients? I think at first a lot of them were like, sure, yeah, Especially my regular clients. They're like, okay, yeah, we'll, We'll. We'll get on a zoom call with you. That's no problem. There were several who were like, oh, well, we're just going to Wait till it passes and we'll, we'll get, we'll catch up with you in a few weeks. And then those weeks turn to months and so on. And several of them would. I sent out a letter to everyone saying, hey, this is a challenging time. I'm always here. And I sent it out to people that I hadn't even seen in a while because I wanted people to know that they weren't alone because everybody was feeling so incredibly alone at that time. And I had numerous clients who. I had some clients who fell off and I probably, I don't. Maybe I didn't see them again, but then I had, but I had so many other ones. So thank you so much for reaching out. And yes, I would like an appointment and I do want to come in.
Heather Newby: And we figured out zoom. You know, we just did it together. It's, that's the thing about, that was the hard thing for a lot of therapists was that we were in this too. So a lot of times in circumstances when you're working with clients, you know, you're empathizing and you're listening to their story and, and yet you can separate from it because it's not your story. But for so many of us, this was our story. This was all of our story that none of us were able to escape. And as far as the therapeutic relationship, I have clients today that I have never met in person.
Valerie Milburn: Wow.
Heather Newby: Only seen virtually. And I have. I would not say that I have any lesser relationship with them than I do with people that I saw for years before the pandemic hit. We just, we're human beings who want to connect. And we found a way.
Valerie Milburn: You just talked about so many things that changed, and I think that's A good time for me and Helen to go into what changed for us? You know what changed? To help us get out of the struggles we just shared. So what helped me? What was my plan to dig out? Well, first I started talking to my support team, reaching out for help. I opened up to my sister. I continued working with my sponsor. And as you just described, Heather, I reached out to my professional help. I called my psychiatrist. Now my sister was already worried about me and had been calling me every day to walk, try and get me to walk and to see how I was. But I had been telling her I was fine. Now I told her the truth, that I wasn't fine, far from fine. She and I started making a plan, the basis of which was doing our regular four mile walk together every day. And she helped me start doing projects to keep me busy doing some fun things. I had to fake it that they were fun, but I did it. The first thing I needed though, was an answer to that question. I was waking up with, how am I going to get through this day? And I realized I still needed an agenda for each day, that I needed a full calendar again. So I began to plan my day, actually put it on my calendar like I always do, planning and doing projects. I cleaned every closet and drawer in the house. I painted and stenciled flower pots. And I don't do art projects, but I actually enjoyed this. I began working in the yard again. That brings me joy. I got busy. Then I did something that was really important. I moved into gratitude. Now this is not an easy thing to do in the midst of a depression or even always possible. But I looked at the list of things I had lost and I focused on what I could do in each of those situations, not what I couldn't do. I focused on what I still had, not what I had lost. This can be called gratitude. In the midst of a depression, I saw that I could still have friends and family over to visit on the patio. I was still talking to my sponsees. I was still seeing my brother, our daughter, son in law and our two beautiful grandchildren. In Houston were in our pandemic bubble. So we went to Houston Houston regularly. NAMI presentations became available on zoom. That was a lifesaver. NAMI asked me and Helen to create a new program. And I think burying myself in that worthwhile and challenging project was a real turning point for my mental health. Now my husband and I still couldn't go out to dinner, but we could set a beautiful table and cook a delicious meal. We could not take that Planned trip for
Valerie Milburn: my birthday, but we could have a lovely, though very small, family birthday party. And my dear friends rallied around me for my 60th birthday. They tied balloons on the fence in front of my yard and the fence in front of my house. They sent flowers, cards, and cookies. This still chokes me up. And during all of this, I also followed the plan my psychiatrist and I came up with. And this plan included monitoring my sleep. No eight hours, no more, no less, exercising every day. I made myself do this with my sister's wonderful help. Plan included maintaining my prayer, mindfulness and meditation practices. This is an everyday part of my life, and I was able to do this because staying connected to my higher power is always the goal and the reward of my life. And I was able to do this. I never lost that connection through this dark time. And the mindfulness really helped. I worked to stay in the moment, not to let myself think, how long is this going to last? How much worse can it get? I tried to do each project, each daily task, mindfully saying, I'm putting yellow paint on this flower pot or I'm scrubbing this pan. The basic mindfulness that we practice at the end of every episode, mindfulness works. And meditation is part of my morning routine. And keeping up that morning routine was an important part of regaining normalcy. And I had to quit baking every day. That was actually part of the plan. I had already compared enough banana bread recipes. I had already gained about 10 pounds, and that is not helpful for my depression. Very importantly, my psychiatrist and I did end up making a small medication change, and that helped. So it took me about four months to regain my footing for that black cloud to lift. It took everything I had to keep up this fight in the mire of a depression. But as the changes I made became my new routine and the medication change kicked in, I settled into pandemic life with a newfound acceptance and peace.
Helen Sneed: Well, that's an extraordinary accomplishment. I don't think that I have been that tidy with it all, and I admire you so much. What worked for me? Well, for me, it had to be relationships first. You know, E.M. forster said, Connect, only connect. And I had a written list of the people in my life. I know I'm always, always proselytizing about this, about having it in writing, but this helps me tremendously. So I began to routinely make contact, text, email, phone, and then, of course, this discovery of zoom that we all have found to be so advantageous. I also had some distance gatherings outside with friends when that was possible. Now I want to stop here for a minute, because I want to recognize and thank Valerie for all that she did for me during this period with extraordinary generosity and patience and kindness, when I know that she was having a hard time herself. And this is, to me, is something, an act of kindness and a greatness of spirit that I will never forget.
Valerie Milburn: Well, thank you, Helen. But we pulled each other through it. We were a mutual support system.
Helen Sneed: Well, again, I really am grateful. And that leads to some of the things that begin to fall back into place again, or I made them fall back into place, frankly. Volunteer work. We talked about nami, the national alliance on Mental Illness, and how they asked us to do a new program based on their in person classes. But we had to convert it all to online and to Zoom. And it took a tremendous amount of work and creativity and I was just in an ecstasy to be busy again. We also got to do a lot of in our Own Voice, which is where you speak and make a presentation during the pandemic to the 911 operators. There's so many of them in Austin because they are incorporating mental health questions into their basic methods. That was also really rewarding. It was just the. The challenge of learning new communication skills for conversion to Zoom was really. It was really gratifying. Now, in the midst of this, I did get a new psychiatrist and he gave me a new medication that has proven to be very beneficial. So I got a little extra
Helen Sneed: lift from that, thank heavens. In terms of travel, I made a couple of trips to short trips to New Orleans and Dallas and places like that. And it's just been so nice to get away as we all have felt so trapped. Vaccinations and boosters. Now, I know that this is a highly controversial subject for so many people in this country, but for me.
Heather Newby: They.
Helen Sneed: Were a godsend because I had more peace of mind and I had the ability to get out and be with people more and also not to have that horrible fear of giving it to someone who was vulnerable, as Valerie has said, and we say often, I focused on what I could do, not what I couldn't. Then there are my old standbys, the skills and the dbt. And so gradually, because I didn't quit on them, I just did them to no good purpose. I started reincorporating mindfulness and staying in the moment at hand and establishing a routine and communications and then exercise and dealing with my eating disorder. It's better. It's not resolved, but it is better. And it makes me furious. But that's okay. Then we have the excitement that I had not anticipated when I was finally able to use my old abilities again. When they lie fallow, you think, oh, my gosh, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore. And then added to this, have real benefit. The thrill of new methods and techniques that were learned because of the pandemic. I mean, a sense of personal and professional growth and, you know, the hammer's down and you try new things because you have to. And this worked for me in some wonderful ways. So in terms of, you know, kind of pulling out of this, what is the basic truth that I learned that I'd like to share with people? And it's something that Rachel Marie Martin said, and I have struggled with this for many years of my life, but I think that now I'm able to look at it and to practice it in ways I never could before. Here's what she said. Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought it would be like and learn to find joy in the story you are actually living. And that is something new for me, and that is what I'm able to do now, at least part of the time, in the midst of this pandemic.
Valerie Milburn: I love that. I love that quote. Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought it would be like and learn to find joy in the story you are actually living. Did I remember it correctly?
Helen Sneed: Yes. That's very good.
Valerie Milburn: Yeah. Wow. I haven't lost everything that I thought I had in my brain.
Helen Sneed: It's easier to memorize it than to do it, but that's okay. That's as it should be.
Valerie Milburn: I love that, though. That's such a great quote. So we talked about what worked for us. Heather, can you tell us what has worked in the treatment to help people fight back? Skills, methods, therapies to help people fight back against the impact of the pandemic? Are there new treatment methods emerging? What's worked and what's new?
Heather Newby: Well, so I'd love to be able to tell you I know about all these new treatment methods, but I think the main new method is that we've all learned to do it virtually and become so much more flexible. I want to say that you ladies have covered a vast array of all of the stuff that most of my clients were having success in bringing themselves through doing. Staying busy, connecting with friends, having your pod. One big one that came as it turned into months was acceptance that this was where we are. And that beautiful quote from Rachel just epitomizes that. And that in that moment, I had clients who were still working from their. From their beds. And I'm like, hey, do you have a different place in your house where you could work from? And they're like, oh, yeah, I guess I could do that. I'm like, well, guys, you know, it looks like we're gonna be doing this for a while, so why not make it your own? And then the next time I'd see them, I'm like, they would be like, oh, my gosh. I set up my desk.
Helen Sneed: I have a new light.
Heather Newby: I'm so excited. I feel so much more energized. And it was. It was that acceptance that this is where we are. So let's deal with it, let's look at it, let's become friends with it so that
Heather Newby: it's no longer the enemy.
Valerie Milburn: I like that.
Helen Sneed: Yeah, that's a great. I think that's a great way of putting it, because I think blanket acceptance is something that nobody likes to have to do it, but it can be just mean. A whole new attitude toward life. I think another thing that I have been curious about is, you know, we have. We. We have listeners who also are, you know, family members and caretakers. And what have you found to be the most effective in helping families and caretakers deal with their loved ones during this time?
Heather Newby: Dealing with their loved ones who are having mental health.
Helen Sneed: Yes. Having issues.
Heather Newby: Yeah. So my biggest recommendation for those people is to make sure that they're taking care of themselves in this time, because so often we get so wrapped up in trying to care for someone else that we have, in many cases, absolutely no power over remedying what's going on with them. I think your sister is a beautiful example of someone who's doing the right amount. You know, she was reaching out to you. She was trying to get you to go on walks, and she was making herself available to you, but not struggling. You know, what is it strangling you with, Forcing you to. Because you can't. You have to be a vet. You just have to make yourself available. And you have to. In order for you to be available, you have to be healthy yourself. For caretakers and caregivers. Caregivers, not caretakers, but for the caregivers. Caring for yourself, which is so hard for so many of us that are caregivers to do, because we're not used to having the focus on ourselves. We're used to putting the focus on somebody else. And I think that the pandemic kind of put a spotlight on if we're not taking care of ourselves, we can't take care of anybody else.
Helen Sneed: And.
Heather Newby: Some people jumped in the bandwagon and started doing things for themselves, and some people also got mired down in it. There's both sides. There's always both sides.
Valerie Milburn: But I think that, that there was a spotlight on self care, and I think that's really important. And that certainly is what Helen and I did and what needed to be done. And that's what really moved me into my recovery and my ability to live in the pandemic. And so what's it like now for me two years into this mess? What have I learned? What positive benefits have I gained? And how did I get my hope back? Well, the silver lining to the entire pandemic is that my husband And I, in 38 years of marriage, had never spent so much time together. And I was worried about this in the beginning, but it was wonderful. And more than two years into this, with life getting back to somewhat normal, we still spend more time together than before the pandemic started. Well, I mean, for one example, we just sit and chat more and things seem somehow calmer. It's lovely. In general, I learned to slow down, and that's huge for me. I now enjoy staying home more, doing more projects around the house. My dresser drawers and closet are still more organized than they used to be. My mindfulness meditation and prayer practice is deeper, richer and stronger than it was two years ago. I'm more grateful for relationships, for family dinners, and for a full dining room table every once in a while. I took for granted for years that my four college girlfriends and I would get together five times a year from three different cities, which is not an easy thing to coordinate. But we did it for birthdays and a Christmas get together each year for years. Then we didn't do that for a year and a half. And now I fully relish our time together. And here's the big triumph from my mental health crisis, downfall, spiral, whatever you want to call it. Here's the big triumph. For years and years after I first became stable with my mental health, I feared I would crash again, that I would end up in another psychiatric crisis, another psychiatric hospital. But my psychiatrist told me again and again that that wasn't going to happen, that I would never go back to that darkest
Valerie Milburn: of places of the soul and mind. And I thought I was convinced that over the years I had come to believe that. But I know now that I still had an inkling that that wasn't true, that it could happen again. But now I know it's true. I know that I will not crash to that disastrous level I once did because in the beginning of the pandemic, I started a mental health downward spiral that I recognized as dangerous and responded to appropriately. I was able to find help and fight, get direction and follow it, take action and get results. I found peace and acceptance, as you just said, Heather.
Helen Sneed: Well, that is, you talk about an extraordinary truth to uncover, you know, at a time like this, I think it must be invaluable to you.
Valerie Milburn: It is.
Helen Sneed: In terms of giving you hope for the future and the present and everything else.
Valerie Milburn: Yep.
Helen Sneed: So I guess what we're doing is you're saying, well, you know, where am I after two years? And for. To begin with, time is so distorted during this pandemic. I don't know if they say it's been two years. I'm just going to take that on face value because it's all been so weird. Now, where have I landed? Well, it's not in a perfect world, but it. And this has surprised me very much. It's one that has expanded as much as it shrank. And I wouldn't have believed that this was possible, but it really has. And again, it's starting with, you know, and focusing on not on what was lost, but what was gained. And so as much as I was falling back into the abyss, you know, spiraling, spiraling downward, I also became very clear, had a very clear picture of what in my life is worth fighting for. You know, the people, the work, the action, all these things. And I've never seen them so clearly. And I got kind of. Kind of got, you know, sort of some resolve going. And I said, you know, if I look back, the past will kill me. We know that. And so I decided that I am not going back and that I'm going to keep fighting for these things because they're worth having and they're of inestimable value to me. So that was very helpful just in terms of sort of developing a little more spine in the face of all this. But goal setting, which is a problem for me on a good day, was something I had to really look at again, because the only way. And I learned this again during the pandemic, the only way that I can progress is to set small steps for large goals, and I have to do it every day. This is my personal guide to successful daily living, whether it's making up the bed or writing a book or anything in between. Now, then Valerie mentioned gratitude, which I think is such an interesting topic and concept because it Means so many things to so many people. And it used to. People used to bring it up to me when I was really bad off, and they'd talk about the concept of gratitude, and I just. Inside, I would get very, very angry and I'd go, grateful for what? My life is a train wreck. You know, it's over. But now I'm not grateful for the pandemic. You know, thanks very much, but we could all do without it. But what I am grateful for is that compared to most people, I have been so lucky and so fortunate and so blessed to get through this difficult time. I've tried to be a supportive friend, and I have helped a number of people going through sort of some major crises. One was quite recently with one of my closest friends, because this is just going to keep happening. People are going to freak out whenever the conditions hit them, whenever they get triggered. And so I feel more useful to my friends than I did for a while. Live theater is back. This is very important. Over the past couple of months, I've gone to the theater and, like, in a real theater with, like, real actors on stage, on a real stage, and it's just been absolutely exhilarating. Then there's volunteer work. Things with NAMI have picked up again. And then also I'm on the board of an organization called Scriptworks, which is a playwrights in Central Tex. There's a lot of work for us to do because our members have been hit so hard. So that's again, more work, more action. I started taking writing classes for the first time ever by Zoom. And I'm amazed at how much
Helen Sneed: I'm learning and how inspiring they are. And then there is the podcast. This podcast. I think that we were asked to do it by a friend of ours who has her own platform called Mind Body Spirit. And I think that we were reluctant because we were as green as grass, knew nothing about it, as you probably have noticed, especially in the earlier episodes. But we decided that if we could just help one person, that it would be worthwhile.
Valerie Milburn: Absolutely.
Helen Sneed: Yeah. So we took it on, and we know from the feedback we've gotten that we have helped some people, and that makes it all worthwhile. And as I was making this list out for this episode, I thought, you know what? We didn't know it, but we were really embracing the new. And that's what has been so exciting about it, is to do something new.
Heather Newby: So.
Helen Sneed: Where am I, you know? Well, you look at dreams lost and dreams restored. I think at the deepest, deepest level of truth, what I can See, and it's not easy, really, to accept, but I can see it is that this is the history that we have been handed, not just the pandemic and all the other social upheaval. And then now we've got this terrible war going on, but this is where we are, and this is what we inherited. And so it makes a contingent on us, I think, on me. I know, as an individual, to try to make something of it, to make progress, to give back in any small way, you know, just something to keep trying to move forward, even in these extreme times. And I want to leave you, as always, with some words, but they're unattributed. I don't know what brilliant person said this, but he or she said, behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice. And that's where we are now. We had no choice. And if you can really, really use it as an opportunity to become stronger. And that's what I wish for everybody.
Valerie Milburn: That's a great wish. And I love the way you just shared how you have grown stronger and wiser. And that was our goal, just to share how we have gotten there. And I think it'd be great, Heather, to tell us, what have you learned about how to take care of ourselves for yourself and for your clients? How have you learned to get to the other side of this? Through caring for ourselves.
Heather Newby: So what I've learned about taking care of ourselves in this pandemic is that we do remember to reach out to our friends, and we remember to stay in contact with those people that matter. I think a lot of us found out who was in this with us, and there were a lot of peripherals that fell away. A lot of people that we thought were right there and our best friend forever was going to be there through thick and thin. A lot of people don't. We don't see those people anymore. But there's other people who came in, and if you allowed yourself to look up and see who was standing there going, hey, I'll be your friend, and I need somebody, and I can relate. And when you were able to tell your story and let people in, that that care came back tenfold from others, and that's where the community came from. If you can just do like you both were saying, those little steps that let other people in, it helps you, but it helps somebody else as well. Like you ladies, sharing your stories so beautifully, that's helping other people. And we recognize that when we share our story, someone else is touched by that, and that helps them in A way.
Valerie Milburn: Thank you. Really good advice. And I love what you said about some people, you know, slipped away, but new ones came in. It's exactly what you said, Helen, that your world expanded as much as it shrank, and that really surprised you. But that's an example you just gave Heather, and I think that's great. So, Helen, you want to wrap it up for us and then lead us into mindfulness?
Helen Sneed: Yes, I would like to. I have one other question I wanted to ask Heather. Okay. That's all right.
Heather Newby: Yeah.
Helen Sneed: Heather, we always try to end on this kind of
Helen Sneed: note, but what is it right now that makes you hopeful about the future for people, for the American mental health system, for anybody?
Heather Newby: Yeah. I think the fact that we are putting a spotlight on mental health and that the stigma is being washed away, that just brings me infinite amounts of joy. Because of the people who are able to reach out because of that. Because someone shared on a show or a friend shared, oh, no, I see my therapist every Thursday at 2, you know, and they're like, oh, oh, oh, that's not weird. And it's become so normal that it's the people that brings me an infinite amount of hope and joy, you know, that people are able to reach out and feel comfortable and safe talking and being vulnerable again or for the first time.
Helen Sneed: Yeah, sometimes. That's right. But it's wonderful to hear you say that, because it makes me feel hopeful, too. And this. Well, there's no way that we can. Thank you, really. You've really been interrogated with such grace. Let us ask you all these questions, and I have learned so much. I feel, really that this has been enriching. And the thing that I guess I want to comment on is the thing that impresses me most, even besides your intelligence and experience, is you have such an obvious sense of compassion. And for me, this goes so far in your field, and it's just something that I find very moving. So, yeah, this does bring us to the close of today's topic, and the pandemic is changing. We hope for the better, but it's not over yet. So we hope you'll try some of the methods and skills we mentioned, if you need them. You might actually want to go back to some of our earlier episodes where we have focused on a lot of skills and then on a lot of methods for goal setting and achieving what you're trying to do to pull yourself out of this quagmire that you might be in or just to get better. We wish you and yours a successful, fulfilling return. To normal life or whatever the new normal is. And Diane Cannon, the actress, said many years ago, true maturity is the ability to go with plan B. And this has stuck with me because I think it's brilliant advice and especially in times like these. So, you know, let's face it, for me, at any rate, plan A is out the window. So you try plan B, C, D, whatever it takes to get your life and recovery back on track. And now, Valerie is going to lead us in a mindfulness exercise.
Valerie Milburn: Indeed, we will send you off, as we always do, with a mindfulness exercise. What is mindfulness? I always give a definition. Mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations without judgment. Today's mindfulness exercise is called Playfully Getting to Know youw Monsters, and it is adapted from mindful.org this is a playful way to work with our emotions. The first step to working with difficult emotions in this way is to clearly see what we are experiencing in the moment. That's mindfulness in a nutshell. We can see the emotion for what it is and name it, saying something like, oh, there is sadness, or I see you fear. This is a flip side to how we often identify emotions, which is, I am angry. But we are not our emotions, and this practice can help us to really experience that truth more directly. It can be as simple as saying, ah, there you are, angry monster. So keep this entire exercise light and playful. Let's begin with our deep breathing to calm and center ourselves. Close your eyes if you can, but please don't close them if you're driving. Whether your eyes are open or closed, we can all do this. Deep breathing. Let's breathe. Imagine that you have a balloon in your stomach. A balloon that you
Valerie Milburn: are going to inflate with your inhale. Now take a deep inhale through your nose. Deep. Hold it for a second. Now exhale through your mouth, pulling your stomach all the way in to deflate that balloon. Exhale again. Inhale through your nose. Deep. Inhale. Push that balloon out. Hold it for a second. Now exhale through your mouth. Pull your stomach all the way in. Deflate that balloon. Exhale. Keep that deep, steady breathing going. Just doing two. Keep it going. Now let's take a real interest in what your emotion looks like. What's that emotional monster look like? Watch it in a parade of emotions through your mind. Give it a color, size, and shape. You can say, hi, anger. You were very red today. Is your emotion the size of a marble or a beach ball. You might notice if it seems solid or light or airy. Is that emotional monster a balloon named anxiety? Does that anxiety balloon float away when you try to catch it? What about hey there, worry? You look like a pot of honey brown and sticky. What would it be like if you reached out and touched your emotion? How is it moving in the parade of other emotions you are feeling? Naming and acknowledging your monster's presence is enough to support it. Continuing along that parade route, you may start to notice what experience has led that monster appearing in your parade or what ones appear most frequently. Just watch the parade go by. Don't try to figure anything out. Just stay curious. Keep it light and playful. Sitting quietly with our monsters, even if no answer appears, helps us develop a kind and accepting relationship with them. If I feel myself getting pulled along that parade with my monsters, I return to my deep breathing. I may turn to my monster that happens to be a balloon and pop the balloon. Let this entire practice be playful and light and stay interested and receptive as you get to know your monsters. I wish you well with your parade. From my monsters to yours.
Helen Sneed: Thank you, Valerie. I have so many monsters, but they're really, really feeling very docile right now. They kind of fill up my whole house. So I want to thank Heather again for all that she's given us and to our listeners for being here. Our next episode is about mental health and the aging process. Now this will involve not just the elderly, although obviously we're going to talk about that, but all various age groups where it becomes a concern about mental health and my age. This will be people in their 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s and on up. So what is happening to our mental health as we age? Join us next episode to find out. And until then, we leave you with our favorite word. Onward.