Loneliness has been declared the new American epidemic by the U.S. Surgeon General. Its destructive impact on an individual life and on society as a whole was explored in the previous episode. Nowhere is loneliness more debilitating and dangerous than for those with mental health challenges.
In this second part, Valerie and Helen provide multiple methods for overcoming loneliness through relationships, skills and strategies, goal setting, social activities, and community. Their research shows the impact loneliness has on the brain, and how the brain is hardwired to need and seek human connection for basic survival. In light of this human necessity, science now shows that the brain distorted by loneliness can be regenerated through new behaviors, beliefs, and practices. Do not miss this opportunity to learn about new pathways of recovery from the loneliness epidemic.
Find Helen and Valerie online at www.mentalhealthhopeandrecovery.com
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Loneliness: The New American Epidemic
Episode 39
Helen Sneed: Welcome to the award winning podcast Mental Health, Hope and Recovery. I'm Helen Sneed.
Valerie Milburn: And I'm Valerie Milburn.
Helen Sneed: We both have fought and overcome severe chronic mental illnesses. Our podcast offers a unique approach to mental health conditions. We use practical skills and inspirational true stories of recovery. Our knowledge is up close and personal.
Valerie Milburn: Helen and I are your peers. We're not doctors, therapists or social workers. We're not professionals. But we are experts. We are experts in our own lived experience with multiple mental health diagnoses and symptoms. Please join us on our journey.
Helen Sneed: We live in recovery.
Valerie Milburn: So can you this podcast does not provide medical advice. The information presented is not intended to be a substitute for or relied upon as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. The podcast is for informational purposes only. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any health related questions you may have.
Helen Sneed: Welcome to episode 39, loneliness the new American Epidemic. The Surgeon General has declared loneliness a national epidemic. Well, we are extremely interested in loneliness due to its close relationship to mental illnesses due to its severe consequences. For someone battling mental health challenges, loneliness can be lethal. I had no idea of the severity of it or its incredible impact or that a person could overcome it once it reached the chronic stage. Dr. Jeremy Nobel said, it won't just make you miserable, but loneliness will kill you. And that's why it's a crisis.
Valerie Milburn: And because of the magnitude of this subject, there are going to be two episodes about loneliness and isolation and social disconnection. The first, today's, will focus on where America is today with this loneliness epidemic and on its impact on the individual and society. Now the second episode will concentrate on finding the pathways and methods to overcome loneliness and to forge connections that can Recovery. Now, I want to share some lyrics from John Prine's song hello In There, because it really sums up what we're going to be talking about today. You know, that old trees just grow stronger and old rivers grow wilder every day. Old people just grow lonesome waiting for.
Valerie Milburn: Someone to say hello in there. Hello.
Valerie Milburn: So if you're walking down the street sometime and spot some hollow, ancient eyes.
Valerie Milburn: Please don't just pass them by and stare as if you didn't care say hello in there. Hello.
Helen Sneed: That's beautiful, Valerie. Thank you.
Valerie Milburn: Thank you, John Prine. He's one of my favorite singer songwriters. Now I want to open with the Surgeon General's letter that announced this health advisory on loneliness. Dr. Vivek Murthy took office as surgeon general in 2014, and at that time, he didn't believe loneliness was a problem. But later, he took a cross country listening tour and he heard stories from
Valerie Milburn: his fellow Americans that surprised him. Here are some of the comments he heard. He heard people say things like isolated, invisible, insignificant. He heard comments such as, I have to shoulder all of life's burdens by myself. He heard, if I disappear tomorrow, no one will even notice. This led to a light bulb moment for Dr. Murthy, a moment that made him realize that social disconnection is far more common than he realized that many of us didn't realize. So In May of 2023, he issued a Surgeon General advisory calling attention to the public health crisis of loneliness, isolation, and lack of connection in our country. And here's just one fact that pretty much sums it up. Research found that one in two adults in America reported experiencing loneliness. And that was before the COVID 19 pandemic. Now, loneliness is far, far more than just a bad feeling. Loneliness harms both individual and societal health. And, Helen, you and I are going to share information on this in a bit, but here's something that really brings home the profound physical impact of loneliness. The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Helen Sneed: Unbelievable.
Valerie Milburn: Yeah, that's. That's really detrimental to your health. The advisory went on to say that disconnection, social disconnection, fundamentally affects the. Not just the physical aspect I just talked about, but it affects our mental and societal health as well. And like we said, the mental health aspect is, of course, of particular interest to us. So Dr. Murthy followed this declaration of loneliness, of a loneliness epidemic with this incredible detailed report about loneliness and isolation and about the healing effects of social connection. And this report is where we've drawn a lot of our information for both today's episode and our next episode. And what I love about this report is that it includes a call to action. It includes a call to action for all of us to start now in our own lives by strengthening our relationships and our connection, our connections with others. And some examples the report gives and ones that I really love and that we can do is answer that phone call from a friend, make time to share a meal, listen without the distraction of our phones, perform an act of service. And I know, Helen, that today we're going to focus on the causes and the impact of loneliness. And that next episode we're going to focus on what we can do to leave loneliness and isolation. But I wanted to look ahead to those solutions. We're going to share and end this summary with those beautiful examples of forging human connection.
Helen Sneed: Well, I think it's something that we need to bear in mind today as we look at the extreme impact of loneliness. Now I want to mention the wisdom of Elmo. The nation's attention has been captured by the Sesame street character Elmo. Several weeks ago, he tweeted an innocent question. Elmo is just checking in. How is everybody doing? Well, the response has become a cultural phenomenon so great it has been covered by the New York Times, cnn, the Today show. The reason is that the simple question generated 210 million views from all over the world. That's 210 million. You heard me right.
Valerie Milburn: Wow.
Helen Sneed: Elmo went viral. Yes. Thousands of the responses were alarmingly negative. People expressing how miserable their lives and spirits were. Many expressions of loneliness, despair, sorrow. As one person said, we trauma dumped on Elmo. The great majority were adults so isolated that they revealed themselves to a puppet on a children's show. The creators of Sesame street were astonished by the outpouring and the thousands of replies were so dark that the official Sesame street account decided to put on a message directing users toward mental health resources. Elmo then tweeted, wow, Elmo is so glad he asked. Elmo learned it is important to ask a friend how they are doing. Elmo will check in again soon. Friends, Elmo loves you. Elmo
Helen Sneed: trended up to number one on Twitter as people continue to discuss their grievances and disappointment in their lives. Now, Valerie, I think this speaks volumes about adults in America today and their great isolation from even one close person to confide in or to seek support and caring. So let's move from 210 million people to 1. So often 1 person's story can illuminate an issue vividly so, Valerie, tell us about your experience with loneliness and your mental health.
Valerie Milburn: Well, it's interesting. As I began to think about the role of loneliness in my life, I found myself asking, was I a lonely child? I had to take a serious look at this because I'm the fifth of six children. So I thought, how lonely could I have been? I mean, I was in this house full of people. But I know that as an adult, I can feel lonely in a room full of people. So being lonely in a house full of people is certainly possible. And as it turns out, an actuality for me in my childhood. And it's funny, as I began to explore this concept of loneliness, the fact that I had an imaginary friend in childhood came to mind. For some reason, I hadn't thought about my childhood imaginary friend in years. But I remember playing alone with my imaginary friend often. So I realized I was alone at times. Often I also remember finding places to hide in the house and read. So I spent a lot of time alone out on the swing set. As I got older, two and three hour bike rides. And I got to thinking, was I escaping the often chaotic nature of our household, or did I feel so different from my siblings that I wanted to be alone? Probably both. And I know that those feelings of feeling different is something that leads to loneliness. That feeling of feeling of separation does lead me to actual separation. But I kept going back to this memory of my imaginary friend, and I was driven to do some research. But research suggests that imaginary friends may be a buffer to those who have had trauma, stress, or loneliness. And I did have early childhood trauma. It was that internal feeling, different because of what I had been through. And it was that sexual assault at the end of sixth grade. As I was struggling with that feeling of being different, things got more and more chaotic in our household. And I did indeed escape even more often. I can feel that ache. Still feel that ache. I had to connect with my family. I had never told anyone about that assault. And that is what I'm talking about. That feeling of being different and disconnected because of that. Now, I didn't know any of that then, but I know now. After extended treatment for the traumatic events I survived, I know now the impact that trauma had on me that led to that isolation and that sense of loneliness. By the time I got to high school, I was deep into drugs and alcohol and boys. I also know now, after much treatment, that I was looking for the right kind of relationship with boys. What I then thought was right. And I again only learned that I was seeking this in response to trauma in college, I had a very full social life, full of fun and friends and full of 30 hours a week of working. And that was quite a juggling act. Now, massive amounts of methamphetamines helped me keep all those balls in the air. But again, I began to live a private life inside the me others saw. And the drug addiction definitely led to a private life. Now, I mentioned that I can feel lonely in a room full of people, and I've learned that this is usually a result of comparing myself to others and feeling as though I'm less than, and that that's actually what our mindfulness exercise is about today, comparing ourselves to others. So I think I picked a good one. As our listeners know, I had my psychiatric breakdown at age 34. And though I was married with two children, this dark path of falling into, suffering with, nearly dying from and fighting my way into recovery with a mental illness was in many ways a solitary journey. No, I absolutely did not go through it alone. I could
Valerie Milburn: never have survived it without the incredible support and love, the love for my husband, my sister and other family members. I. I had my psychiatrist alongside me every step of the way. I had friends who stuck by me. But my internal struggle was a solitary struggle, and I was lonely in this internal struggle. And I isolated often. I built myself a cage. It was my corner of the bedroom. It was my refuge and my cage. It was me, my bed, my closet, my books, my broken mind and my broken heart. And it was a lonely place.
Helen Sneed: Thank you, Valerie. That is a hard story, and I'm sure it was difficult for you to tell it. I think it's important, though, that you did, and I want to thank you for sharing it. To begin with, let's look at the key words in our discussion today just to be sure we're on the same page. Loneliness. The Oxford Dictionary says sadness because one has no friends or company. The American Psychological association goes further. Loneliness is discomfort or uneasiness for being or perceiving oneself to be alone. All right. Isolation, the state of being in a place or situation that is separate from others. So in other words, loneliness is an internal feeling, whereas isolation is more a physical place apart from other people. Now, here are two others. Solitude. The state or situation of being alone or remote from society and belonging. A feeling of being happy or comfortable as part of a particular group.
Valerie Milburn: I think those definitions are really helpful to frame our discussion. Now, another thing we've already mentioned several times is social connection. So what is social connection? It's a continuum it's not as simple as someone is lonely or they're not. I mean, everyone falls somewhere on the continuum of social connection. And what we know is that low connection is associated with poorer outcomes. And higher connection is associated with better outcomes. The other thing is that social connection is dynamic. It changes over time. And it can be improved or compromised by a myriad of reasons such as illness, moving, a job transition, and just countless other life events. They can all move us along the continuum of social connection.
Helen Sneed: I think a major question for both of us has been, so what is causing this epidemic of loneliness? Well, the causes are intricately woven into the fabric that surrounds us at all levels of our existence. So I'm going to put the causes into three categories. Individual, biological, genetic, and societal. Let's look at that which occurs within the individual. So many factors contribute to a person's inability to form connections. So essential to a healthy, satisfying life. As Valerie has shown. As childhood can be where habits and lessons of making connections are never learned. In a dysfunctional family or difficult school. Experiences such as bullying, geography can be a cause if there are few people nearby. A genetic predisposition to mental health. Challenges such as depression and anxiety. Low self esteem and a sense of unworthiness. The psychological impact of abuse or trauma, or a crisis of physical illness and physical pain, grief, the pressures of survival in an exacting world. These are just some of the internal causes of loneliness in an individual. An extremely dark or negative belief system can also provoke loneliness. Especially if the individual believes that loneliness is an unavoidable part of the human condition, Something to be suffered for a lifetime. Studies show that those childhood deprivations will become more apparent in the adult trying to deal with loneliness. Biological, genetic causes of loneliness are found within our species. This is a relatively new area of exploration into loneliness. Studies prove that our brains are hardwired for human connection. Because we once urgently needed to be together for basic survival, such
Helen Sneed: such as food and safety, our brains adapted to expect proximity to others. Despite any advancements of the modern living, we still have a deep biological need to connect. Loneliness has a profound impact on the brain and body. Research shows how a chronic state of loneliness literally shrinks the brain, resulting in less volume in the cognitive, social and emotional brain centers. Chemicals and hormones aroused by loneliness can push the individual into a state of fear for survival. And their impact can cause the dangerous cycle of chronic loneliness. Connection is still essential for our mental health and longevity. One of the most tragic studies of the biological need for connection is with infants who are in custodial care only Given no consistent human impact, the babies fail to thrive or die. Societal causes for loneliness this is the role society plays in the epidemic of loneliness. And it is almost impossible to comprehend as it influences humans at virtually every aspect of their lives. There's community. These external causes can be found in the decline of communal institutions that once provided human connection and a sense of belonging. Today, less than a quarter of all American adults participate in clubs, civic groups, community activities, sports leagues, drama groups. Volunteerism, once the backbone of American charity work, has also dramatically declined. The majority of adults do not participate in any kind of social group. And in 2020, only 16% reported that they felt very attached to their local community.
Valerie Milburn: Yeah, I find that so discouraging.
Helen Sneed: It is. And there are other areas where you can see how this has had an impact. For example, faith organizations have declined. Now, in 1999, 70% of Americans belong to a church, synagogue or Mosque. In 2020, it had fallen to 47%. And with millennials, this is almost unbelievable. Only 22% attend faith services weekly and another 22% never do. And given that faith based groups offer community belonging, consistent contact with like minded people, this is a tremendous contributor to the loneliness epidemic. Then here's another huge one, the impact of technology. It is impossible at this time to ascertain the pervasive impact of social media without further study. Then there is another societal issue, which is marital status and solitary living. The latest census shows that one half of the American adult population is unmarried, 22% have never been married. Single occupant households are the highest ever in recorded history. Now, social status, race, gender identity, loneliness impacts people of color, gender identity issues, immigrants, lgbtq, rural residents, victims of domestic violence due to stigma, discrimination and isolation. And finally there is the pandemic. And I think all of us know by now that the pandemic has exacerbated loneliness in almost every area of American life.
Valerie Milburn: Helen, you mentioned earlier that we had no idea of the severity and impact of loneliness and social disconnect and connection before we started working on this episode. Here are a few of the things we learned as we did our work. Numerous research studies conclude that socially connected people live longer. Period. Socially connected people live longer. That was a great thing to learn. In fact, one hundred and forty eight studies showed that social connection increases the odds of survival by 50%. The other thing we learned is that being socially disconnected, this is not a good thing. Being socially disconnected increases the risk
Valerie Milburn: of cardiovascular disease, hypertension, diabetes and infectious diseases. Now, alarmingly chronic loneliness and social isolation can increase the risk of developing dementia by approximately 50% in older adults.
Helen Sneed: Yeah, that's hard to hear.
Valerie Milburn: Yeah, it's a scary statistic. But you know, we are going to focus the entire next episode on how to overcome loneliness.
Valerie Milburn: So we.
Valerie Milburn: Yes, these are hard statistics to hear. Now, one other one is that the lack of social connection limits an individual's educational and employment opportunities and it has a profound negative economic impact on society as a whole. In fact, the center for Disease Control calculates that loneliness costs the U.S. economy an estimated $406 billion a year. And that's in addition to the estimated 6 billion a year in Medicare costs for socially isolated older adults.
Helen Sneed: Well, that's sobering. That will get the attention of a lot of people. I think another thing that we examined is the psychological impact of loneliness, which is a vast, vast subject. But people's private personal relationships within their lives wield heavy influence on their individual psychology. For better and for worse, more than half of Americans said they were lonely in 2021. Loneliness in post pandemic America hit certain sectors harder. In the 18 to 25 year old group, they reported a 61% sense of serious loneliness. That is a huge number. And in two years, the elderly ages 50 to 80 found their loneliness doubled to 56% in 2020. So this is doubled in two years. This is a strong psychological impact. Now, it made me curious about the role of friendship in America today. Well, there's the good news. 61% of adults say friendship is very important to a fulfilling life. Friendship is more important, more than twice as important as marriage, children or wealth. However, friendships and time spent have been declining since before the pandemic in the U.S. census of 20 that reported that.
Helen Sneed: 11. An individual spent 6.5 hours a week with friends. In 2021, it had dropped to 2 hours and 45 minutes per week with friends. One third of seniors haven't made a new friend in at least five years. And in the US almost 50% do not have one to four close friends. And almost 10% have none, no friends. Now we can also look at the positive aspects of friendship in American life.
Helen Sneed: It's been proven that a person doesn't need a lot of friends. 72% of those with one close friend or more felt completely or very satisfied with the quality of their friendship. One half of women told a friend they loved them in the past week, as did one fourth of men.
Valerie Milburn: I love that. Now I'm going to take a look at how loneliness, isolation, and this lack of social connection we're talking about are connected to mental illness. Specifically connected to mental illness, because that is of particular interest to you and me, Helen. Now, we have pointed out today and continuously and repeatedly on this podcast that loneliness has the potential to literally kill those of us living with the mental illness.
Helen Sneed: And I think that's something that you and I both know quite well.
Valerie Milburn: We do.
Helen Sneed: Personal level.
Valerie Milburn: Yeah, absolutely. And what we have, and we both know this as well, is that this dynamic between loneliness, isolation and mental illness is a double edged sword, I'll give the example, say with depression and anxiety. So depression and anxiety are often characterized by social withdrawal, which increases the risk for both social isolation and loneliness. And then we add that social isolation and loneliness predict an increased risk for developing depression and anxiety. So there you go. It's not surprising that the research shows that the odds of developing depression in adults is more than double among people who report feeling lonely. And that's compared to people who rarely or never feel lonely. So there you go. It's that double edged sword. One exacerbates the other and vice versa. But here's the good news. The power of that social connection when it comes to depression has been proved, proven. We know from research that frequently confiding in others reduces the odds of developing depression among people who are already at higher risk of developing that depression. And I mean, that's just really powerful proof of the importance of social connection. Now, I want to address the issue of suicidality and I'm going to do that by quoting directly from the Surgeon General's advisory. Here's the quote. Social isolation is arguably the strongest and most reliable predictor of suicidal ideation attempts and lethal suicidal behavior. End quote.
Helen Sneed: That's pretty stark.
Valerie Milburn: Mm. So while many factors may contribute to suicide, more than a century of research has demonstrated significant leaks links between a lack of social connection and death by suicide. The other part of this research is that the research suggests that social connection may protect against suicide as a cause of death. And it predicts this, especially for men. Now for the role of social connection in preventing self harm, it's equally significant because research has shown that for women, loneliness was significantly associated with hospitalization for self harm. And research also shows that an increase in loneliness was reported among the primary motivations for self harm. So given the totality of this evidence, social connection may be one of the strongest protective factors against self harm and suicide. And you know, Helen, I think this is a great place to wrap up today's topic because let's wrap it up here with this evidence of the incredible power of social connection. I mean, we've looked at the detrimental effects caused by this lack of. Of connection. So I'd like to end the topic with the fact that social connection is one of the strongest protective factors against the most devastating consequences of mental illness. And I think this brings home just how important it is for all of us to connect with our fellows. Fellows, and we may be closing the topic, but your beautiful story awaits, Helen. And one of the things we talked about today was how social disconnection and mental illness are a double edged sword. And I know your journey includes this aspect and many other aspects of loneliness in your life, so would
Valerie Milburn: you please share about that with us?
Helen Sneed: I will. And Valerie, I'm going to begin with that great philosopher Charlie Brown from Peanuts. Charlie Brown once visited Lucy's psychiatry booth and asked, can you cure loneliness for a nickel? I can cure anything. Lucy said, can you cure deep down, bottom of the well, no hope, end of the world, what's the use? Loneliness? He asked for the same nickel. She replied, well, my story of loneliness is just about as old as I am. And there's this, the great novel by Gabriel Garcia Marquez called 100 Years of Solitude. And over my life it felt that long. To begin with, people are the most important thing in the world to me, and I knew that. But I have learned more about myself and loneliness from creating this episode than I've ever known. For the first time in my life, I can see that the core dream of my existence was to make myself into someone who would be loved and respected by others. This single goal has driven me more than anything else across the years of my life. This dream of mine was virtually obliterated in early childhood by trauma that crippled me into adulthood with the loneliness I felt but never knew was abnormal. Here are the core beliefs I developed as a child to understand what had happened to me. I felt bad because I was bad. I deserved what had happened. If not, some good person would have rescued me, right? I believe that I was so dirty and low I should live in the barn with the animals. I was alone because I was to blame for what had happened. And here's the saddest one. I believed that if I couldn't fix myself somehow turn myself into a person worthy of love, I would have to kill myself. These beliefs were a heavy load for a solitary child and so firmly written on my synapses that I could never shake them as an adult. Well, one thing's for sure. I worked tirelessly and made myself look good to the world in school, college and in my 40 year life and career in New York City. I was profoundly lonely, but seldom alone. I got on well with all kinds of people and treated them well, which is something I'm very proud of. I usually had more friends than I could keep up with. Yet no one really knew me because I was convinced that if they did know how repulsive I was underneath, I would be abandoned, betrayed, mocked. Despite many relationships and worldly success, nothing persuaded me that I was worthy of love. And I trusted no one. Once in therapy, my doctor said, you see Helen, you are very over. I know how fat I am. I said. I was certain that he was going to say very overweight. No, he said, I was going to say that you were very overwhelmed. So I was just always waiting for someone to turn on me. And therefore no one was privy to my authentic self. And that was the person I feared most in the world. This horrible creature in a hideous body. I was my own worst enemy. My self hatred just never stopped. And the depression I had known since childhood developed into severe mental illnesses in my adulthood. As an adult when I crashed, I was given five diagnoses and was devoured by brutal and life threatening symptoms. From an active, social and professional life, I became a mental patient overnight for illnesses that proved to be drug and treatment resistant. Without the structure of work and the company of people, I went straight downhill for years. And the Most punishing aspect was a loneliness exacerbated by almost complete disconnection from all people. I simply felt too inferior and ugly to be seen by my friends. It was all I could do to make it to treatment and therapy and I often didn't. I stopped answering the phone call, phone calls and emails. I wouldn't let anyone in my apartment, even even a handyman. I spent much of my time reading in bed, weeping, planning my death and cutting. Now, my friends were great. They continued to reach out. But I could not bring myself to let them see how far I had deteriorated. As I said, the impact of my loneliness makes sense now because I can see what it was doing to my brain and how the brain can perpetuate loneliness, especially in the mentally ill. Given my low self esteem, I had never really developed truly intimate relationships through school, social, romantic or professional
Helen Sneed: life. But my brain, hardwired for close human connection as a means to survival, was sending chemicals and hormones that drove me towards something I couldn't have. The impact drove me deeper into isolation and created a towering need for people that couldn't be met. Because my very survival was threatened. I became full of fear and that ushered in emotions such as anger, sorrow, despair, shame. My depression and increasing illnesses were caused in part by loneliness. And the solitude due to the illnesses reinforced my chronic loneliness. It was a devastating cycle. For years I was so lonely I would cry out to myself, where is everybody? Well, this is the grim part of my saga of loneliness. But I hope that in telling can demonstrate some of the reasons an individual can feel terrible loneliness despite appearances to the contrary. And also I hope my crude layman's explanation of the powerful impact of loneliness on the brain can help it be better understood. Now in our next episode, I will explain how I fought loneliness and found recovery in large part through other people. And to this day I'm still discovering my authentic self. It's been quite a journey to find love and respect.
Valerie Milburn: Thank you Helen for sharing that. That's a tough visual, some of those for me to imagine for you because I care so deeply for you and I'm so glad you have come to.
Valerie Milburn: This.
Valerie Milburn: Vivacious self that I know now. And I'm so glad to be part of this journey you are now on where so many people love and respect you. Thank you for sharing that.
Helen Sneed: Well, Valerie, you are the one of the chief reasons that I'm able to continue the journey. And I love the fact that we do so much of it together. And now I have to ask you to do us the great favor of leading us in a mindfulness exercise.
Valerie Milburn: It's my pleasure. We will close today's episode in our traditional way with the mindfulness exercise. What is mindfulness? I always give a definition. Mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations without judgment. Today's mindfulness exercise is called Unique but Connected. This is something that is helpful for me to remember when I find myself in situations where I am comparing myself to others and measuring myself as less than. Being mindful. That I am the best me I can be in that moment is a positive grounding exercise. Let's try it. Let's get mindful. Close your eyes if you can.
Valerie Milburn: Settle in and breathe as always, let's begin with a few diaphragmatic breaths. Whether your eyes are open or closed, let's steady our breathing with two diaphragmatic breaths. When you do this on your own, take as many breaths as you need to to become calm and centered. I usually begin my meditation and mindfulness practice with 10 diaphragmatic breaths. Let's breathe. Inhale through your nose, expanding an imaginary balloon in your stomach while you inhale. Exhale through your mouth, pulling your stomach in as you do so. Drop your shoulders. Inhale through your nose. Expand that balloon in your stomach as you inhale. Exhale through your mouth, pulling your stomach in. Pull it all the way in. Keep this slow, steady breathing going. Try to recall a time, if you can, when you were in a social situation where you compared yourself to others and felt less than inadequate or out of place. Maybe when you felt disconnected from those around you.
Valerie Milburn: If you can visualize this situation, can you recall your self talk? Were your judgments based on assumptions you made about others in this situation? If so, was there any basis of truth for these assumptions? Were your expectations of yourself or others realistic? Or were you doing the best you could in that moment? Now step back and see this social situation again. Ask yourself, were my self talk, judgments or expectations helpful to me? Ask yourself, can I organize my thoughts and mental energy in another way? Step into the situation again.
Valerie Milburn: Tell.
Valerie Milburn: We all have challenging periods in our lives and thus we are all connected and we are all unique. I am unique. I am the best me I can be. If your eyes are closed, please open them and gently bring yourself back to the room. Thank you for doing this mindfulness exercise with me.
Helen Sneed: Well, thank you for taking us along with you, Valerie. It means a lot. I also want to thank everyone for joining Valerie and me today. It's been quite an eye opener for all of us to learn about the powerful impact loneliness can have on the individual, not to mention the nation as a whole. Our second episode will look at the many ways to fight and conquer loneliness. How social connection can help heal a person's health in mind and body, and the incredible capacity the brain has to reverse its direction and build new pathways. So given what we've learned today about the severe consequences of lonely loneliness, please don't miss the positive revelations of the second part. So until then, I leave you with our favorite word. Onward.