Post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, has become a household word. Yet today it remains one of the most complex and pernicious mental illnesses in the field. Given the challenges of understanding, treating, and recovering from the impact of trauma on a life, Valerie and Helen have devoted two concurrent episodes to the subject. Join them for Episodes 14 and 15 to learn how you can fight, and overcome, this complicated illness, PTSD.
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PTSD and Recovery: I Thought I Was Going Crazy!
Episode 14
Helen Sneed: Welcome to Mental Health, Hope and Recovery. I'm Helen Sneed.
Valerie Milburn: And I'm Valerie Milburn.
Helen Sneed: We both have fought and overcome severe chronic mental illnesses. Our podcast offers a unique approach to mental health conditions. We use practical skills and inspirational stories of recovery. Our knowledge is up close and personal.
Valerie Milburn: Helen and I are your peers. We're not doctors, therapists or social workers. We're not professionals. But we are experts. We are experts in our own lived experience with multiple mental health diagnoses and symptoms. Please join us on our journey.
Helen Sneed: We live in recovery, so can you.
Valerie Milburn: This podcast does not provide medical advice. The information presented is not intended to be a substitute or relied upon as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. The podcast is for informational purposes only. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any health related questions you may have.
Helen Sneed: Welcome to episode 14, PTSD and recovery I thought I was going crazy. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD is as vast, complex and challenging as any mental health condition we know. Given these factors and many effective advancements in the field, we've dedicated two full episodes to PTSD. We strongly encourage you to join us for episode 15 as well. Both will be posted at the same time. We want to say up front that even in two episodes we cannot hope to exhaust the subject and its many faceted complexities and challenges. However, we have a range and depth of information that investigates the causes, symptoms, treatment and recovery from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We both have PTSD based on childhood trauma that blighted our lives, relationships, work, health and sense of self for decades. Please bear in mind that what we discuss stems from our own experience with the illness and in no way suggests a comprehensive understanding of PTSD and its profound impact on a life. What we can do is look at our own stories and our struggles to come to terms with the consequences of terror and abuse. In our battles for recovery, trauma is a mighty towering foe. Here are our objectives. Number one, to inform and educate as to causes and symptoms of trauma. Number two, to present treatment options. Number three, to examine PTSD and recovery through our own stories of hope.
Valerie Milburn: Trauma can be a dark subject. Helen, you and I were at first a bit overwhelmed as we prepared for this episode, right?
Helen Sneed: Indeed.
Valerie Milburn: Yeah. But we were soon brought to deep gratitude for the gift of overcoming our trauma and for our lives in recovery with post traumatic stress disorder. Here we want to strongly emphasize and point out that the research shows that the vast majority of people who experience trauma do not develop post traumatic stress disorder. We ask that our listeners please keep in mind. Keep that in mind as we discuss this heavy topic of trauma and post traumatic stress disorder. Now I get to introduce our guests. As our listeners know, Helen, you and I are not trained mental health
Valerie Milburn: professionals. We are experts only in our own experience and we're good researchers. But when we tackle difficult topics such as today's, we like to have a mental health professional join us. Our guest today is Sange Omara. Sange is a licensed clinical social worker. She attended the University of Texas School of Social Work Hook Em Horns, and at the University of Texas School of Social Work. She received a Master of Science in Social work degree in 1989. Since the beginning of Sangay's social work career, her experience has been primarily with trauma survivors. And we are privileged to have her with us today to share her knowledge and experience of working with those trauma survivors. Her exploration of ways to effectively treat trauma without further injury to the individual led Sangay to be trained in 1996 in eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, most often referred to as emdr. We will be thoroughly discussing EMDR later. Sange, welcome to our podcast and thank you so much for joining us.
Sange Omara: Hi, Valerie, thank you. Thank you for inviting me. And Helen, it's good to meet you.
Helen Sneed: We're delighted to have you with us today.
Valerie Milburn: I have something I have to share that I read on your website that just deeply touched me. You stated that your experience with trauma survivors has shaped your therapeutic philosophy and taught you the importance of a safe and collaborative relationship in the healing process. And yes, I know that about you firsthand because our EMDR therapy together brought me to a new level of healing from my trauma experiences in an incredibly safe and collaborative relationship with you. And. And there I felt honored for my recovery work. And successes. And thank you so much.
Sange Omara: You're very welcome. You're very welcome. It was great working with you.
Valerie Milburn: Yeah.
Helen Sneed: Well, I look forward to hearing more about this. What we're going to start with is just a little background in trauma and ptsd, because it's kind of unusual. The history of trauma has ebbed and flowed for the past 150 years. Some of the greatest minds have explored it, followed by long periods of neglect. PTSD was first diagnosed as hysteria, which comes from the word womb. So it was considered to be a woman's ailment, a sign of weakness, laziness, madness, bad character, promiscuity. Then it became obvious in soldiers returning from battle, damaged and unable to fight. Until recently, the patient was always blamed. It was called shell shock, battle fatigue, a sign of cowardice, malingering, lack of oral fiber, madness, real or feigned. Later came the women's movement in the 1970s, when the abuses and traumatization of women and children were identified and rebuked publicly, their stories told for the first time. Then came the veterans of the Vietnam War, many of whom returned traumatized and spurned by society. But it wasn't until 1980 that it was named Post Traumatic Stress disorder and became a recognized diagnosis. In 1992, Judith Herman wrote Trauma and Recovery, a brilliant and accessible book. As a field began to develop significantly. Today, PTSD is a household word.
Valerie Milburn: Thank you. Thank you so much for that background information. To start off our discussion, I think now is a good time to just look at the definitions of trauma and ptsd and then the research on the causes, symptoms, and risk factors associated with ptsd. Here's Webster's definition of trauma. A very difficult or unpleasant experience that causes someone to have mental or emotional problems, usually for a long time. Sangay, can you add your definition of trauma, please?
Sange Omara: Yeah. How. How I define trauma is anything, any event or experience that causes a person to feel overwhelmed, from which that state is difficult to emerge from, and that causes significant ongoing difficulties. Sometimes those difficulties will ebb a little bit, subside a little bit, but they remain and present ongoing difficulties in their lives in all areas of life. Work personal.
Valerie Milburn: Yeah, thank you. Definitely backs
Valerie Milburn: up and expands on the research we have done and everything Helen and I know personally about trauma. Now, the Webster's definition of Post Traumatic Stress disorder. A psychological reaction occurring after experiencing a highly stressing event, such as wartime combat, physical violence, or a natural disaster. And it is usually characterized by depression, anxiety, flashbacks, recurrent nightmares, and avoidance or reminders of the events. The National Institute of Mental Health has this to say about ptsd. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a disorder that develops in some people who have experienced a shocking, scary or dangerous event. Nearly everyone will experience a range of reactions after trauma, yet most people recover from initial symptoms naturally. Those who continue to experience problems may be diagnosed with ptsd. People who have PTSD may feel stressed or frightened even when they are not in danger. Symptoms usually begin early, within three months of the traumatic incident, but sometimes they begin years afterwards. Symptoms must last more than a month and be severe enough to interfere with relationships or work to be considered ptsd. Here are some types of events that can lead to ptsd, and they are serious accidents physical or sexual assault abuse, including childhood or domestic abuse Exposure to traumatic events at work serious health problems and war and conflict.
Helen Sneed: Now the symptoms of PTSD are very broad and complicated, and it's easy to lose sight of the truth. The traumatic syndromes are normal human responses to extreme circumstances. PTSD can be the result of terror and helplessness. As Judith Herman said, trauma affects every aspect of human functioning, from the biological to the social. So here are the major symptoms. There are four of them. Number one re experiencing symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, frightening thoughts and physical symptoms such as racing heart or sweating. And I should say that this list is from the National Institute of Mental Health. Number two Avoidance symptoms that includes staying away from places, events or objects that are reminders Avoiding thoughts or feelings related to the traumatic event. Such things that remind the person of the trauma may cause the person to actually change his or her routine. Number three Arousal and reactivity symptoms Being easily startled feeling tense difficulty sleeping Angry outbursts. These symptoms are constant rather than being triggered by a reminder and can drastically interfere with daily living such as eating, sleeping and concentrating. Fourth cognition and mood symptoms Trouble remembering key features of the event or even amnesia about it Negative thoughts about oneself or the world Distorted feelings like guilt or blame Loss of interest in enjoyable activities. This can bring about detachment from loved ones or colleagues. PTSD is often accompanied by depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, or other anxiety disorders, and these symptoms can seriously impair the ability to function at any level in society.
Valerie Milburn: And lastly, let's look at risk factors. We have two resources for the documented risk factors for ptsd, and those are the United Kingdom's National Health Service and the Mayo Clinic. The National Health Service states PTSD develops in about 1 in 3 people who experience severe trauma. It's not fully understood why some people develop the condition while others do not, but certain factors appear to make some people more likely to develop ptsd. Those who have had depression or anxiety in the past or do not receive much support from family or friends are more susceptible to developing PTSD after a traumatic event. There may also be a genetic factor involved in ptsd. For example, having a parent with a mental health problem is thought to increase one's chances of developing the condition. And the Mayo Clinic also includes the following risk factors. Having experienced another trauma earlier in life, a job that increases risk or exposure, such as military or first responders, and substance abuse. Sangay,
Valerie Milburn: we'd love to have your comments on causes, symptoms, risk factors, anything we've discussed so far.
Sange Omara: Yes, well, all of these resources. Yeah, they spell out very clearly. Here are the risk factors. One of the things that I want to comment on about responses to trauma is one of the biggest and most important ones is the feeling of disconnection from others. That. That seems to be one of the major difficulties that individuals who experience trauma have. And it's that connection that really helps us to heal. One of the things about the recovery community that's so powerful is that sense of community. So we're all here. We're all here for the same reason, which minimizes feelings of shame and allows people to be able to talk about and share what their experiences are. People who are trauma survivors or people who have been traumatized, many of them don't have that protective support, social support, family support is a protective factor. And individuals who don't develop PTSD symptoms or don't have lingering trauma symptoms are those people who've had a lot of support. And this is where therapy can come in. If you don't have a family system or a social support system in which you can talk about what happened, how you feel, what you need, that's how we process trauma. That's how we process any kind of experiences. Being able to express what has happened, tell the story. This is what happened. This is what I did. This is what I didn't do. This is what I need. This is what I wish would have happened. Being able to have feelings about and express those feelings about what has happened without being judged, without people saying, oh, well, you know, just think positive, you know. Yeah, we've all heard that one, right?
Helen Sneed: Just buck up. Just buck up.
Sange Omara: That's right. That's right. Just think positive. That's not helpful. So being able to express your feelings, express your thoughts in whatever form and being heard, and the more we're able to do that, we know our. Our organism, our brain instinctively knows. Okay, all right, I'm done with that. I've had enough. I don't need to talk about it anymore and then move on. But we can't move on until we're able to properly and adequately process what happened.
Helen Sneed: We want to try to, I guess, express what the impact of the trauma is on the individual. Physiological, psychological and social, which is what we were just talking about. Sometimes it can seem to be too complex and far reaching to fully categorize. The first is the physiological. Now we know that the traumatic response takes control of the entire human central nervous system. And when the individual perceives extreme danger, the brain and body are transfigured. Because the organism believes its life is in danger. The brain secretes hormones, chemicals that send messages to the body, which responds immediately through shots of adrenaline. Digestion is shut down. The person can become unaware of hunger, fatigue or even pain. As the system prepares itself for fight, flight or freeze. The person's emotional brain takes over, which vanquishes the rational mind. And the emotional brain is more like that of an animal. And its fight or flight become instinctive. Then there's the impact over time, unexplained somatic problems. Often stomach indigestion and back pain. Migraine, panic attacks, insomnia, flashbacks, self injury. There's so many of these. And then suicidal ideation or even attempts. Also the person can express. Sorry, can experience
Helen Sneed: the entire trauma cycle when triggered by something or someone who reminds me of the original trauma. And that takes them all the way back. Then there are the psychological impact, which in many people is the inability to trust. Again, it's what you're talking about. Sort of. The disconnect happens pretty thoroughly. Hypervigilance, inability to concentrate, to remember the event or to not be able to forget it. Feeling alien, crazy, or even only part human. You feel that you won't live very long. You have a shattered identity, Self loathing and self blame. Paralysis, Difficulty describing the trauma. Mood swings, acute feelings of shame about the event as if that person that was abused was responsible. Fantasies of revenge, outbursts of anger or grief. Ironically, idealization of the perpetrator and dissociation and numbing. We'll have more about that later then. The third aspect is social withdrawal from the world and people. Disturbance of romantic sexual relationships, excessive activity or complete abstinence and avoidance. Inability to form intimate relationships or even close friendships. Based on this lack of trust. May choose to stay in the familiar abusive setting rather and then admit to the problem. Or actually taking blame for the abuse and taking extreme risks or being paralyzed. When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans, send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom 60th and never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end to end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp message privately with everyone. Learn more@WhatsApp.com your team adjective used to describe an individual whose spirit is unyielding, unconstrained, one who navigates life on their own terms, effortlessly. They do not always show up on time, but when they arrive you notice an individual confident in their contradictions. They know the rules, but behave as.
Valerie Milburn: If they do not exist.
Helen Sneed: New Teen the new fragrance by Miu Miu defined by you so Valerie, you had looked into something that's called ACEs. That to me seems a little bit like a precursor of what we're talking about today. Do you want to talk about that?
Valerie Milburn: Some I think it's very important to spend some time right now talking about adverse childhood experiences, referred to as ACEs. Adverse childhood experiences Research ACES research is the benchmark for understanding childhood trauma. I certainly came to understand the impact of my childhood trauma better after learning about ACEs, and the source for my information on ACES is the Adverse Childhood Experiences Resource Network. Adverse Childhood Experiences aces can be highly stressful experiences that occur before the age of 18. They can be a single event, or they can be an ongoing struggle where our safety, security, trust, or even our very sense of self is threatened or violated. The term Adverse Childhood Experiences ACES comes from an important study published by the center for Disease Control and kaiser Permanente in 1997. It looked at 10 types of stressful or traumatic events that fall into three categories. The three categories are abuse, neglect, and household challenges. Abuse includes physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Neglect includes physical and emotional neglect. Household challenges include divorce, incarcerated parent, substance abuse, domestic violence, and mental illness. ACES and toxic stress change how we function, not just how we feel, and also triggers the part of the brain that controls the fight, flight or freeze response. This can make it hard for us to regulate our emotions, it can make concentrating and learning more challenging, and it can make us feel anxious and on guard even when we're safe. These disruptions can affect us in childhood and have ripple effects throughout our lives.
Helen Sneed: Valerie, it's
Helen Sneed: interesting because this again to me sounds like almost an introduction or a foundation for parts of your story, and I'm wondering if you would like to get into that at this point.
Valerie Milburn: Yeah, I think it's a good time because as I thought about this episode There were three major incidents of the multiple trauma incidences in my life that kept coming to mind. And the first one was when I was very young. I'm going to share those three episodes that kept coming to mind. And as we stated in our objectives, my goal in sharing these experiences is to examine PTSD and recovery through my own story of hope. So though my story is troubling and traumatic, it ends with hope and recovery. Now, the first traumatic event I remember was when I was three and a half. And as the research stated, ACEs can be an ongoing struggle where our safety, security, trust, or even our sense of self is threatened or violated. And this event, when I was three and a half, was the beginning of an ongoing struggle with trust and security and an event that just shattered and altered my sense of self. And what happened was, when I was three and a half, my mother left me alone with my infant brother while she took my older siblings to school. She was gone for probably 20 minutes, but it seemed like hours to me at the time. And I was terrified, just terrified. There was no way that this terrorist wasn't evident on my little face when my mother returned. But my mother's greeting was, you're my brave little soldier. That was a common comment from her. My extreme emotional reaction to having been left alone with my infant brother was ignored and invalidated and gave me the message that my feelings were wrong and bad. Now I know now that in that moment, my little self knew that it wasn't okay to be who I was. It wasn't okay to be terrified. It wasn't okay to feel what I was feeling. I left my body. It was as though I was watching the scene from the corner of the ceiling. It was my first dissociative episode. I know that my sense of self shifted that day. My emotions and needs were nullified. And I have done the work in therapy to understand that. In response to this event and repeated similar messages, my sense of self shifted. That day, I aimed for perfection. From then on, I didn't tell anyone when I was hurt unless I absolutely had to. I took care of my little brother. I became my mother's emotional caretaker in a way a child should not. In my mind, it was not okay to be needy, hurt, damaged, scared. It was necessary to be brave. Thus, when I was sexually assaulted at age 12, I didn't tell anyone. The trauma of that assault caused another shift in my sense of self. I had been a perfect student, Straight A's, always exemplary behavior in class. I was pleasant, outgoing, friendly. But I was like a Different kid. When I showed up for school the Monday after the assault, I was rude to my teacher. I didn't do my homework, I didn't go to friends houses after school. The assault happened in the spring and the rest of the school year was rough. We moved to a new city at the end of that school year, and I was sad and lonely and withdrawn that entire summer. A few months into the new school year, my mother had to take me to the doctor for my ongoing stomach issues. But the diagnosis was depression. My depression was not treated, was never mentioned again. My parents only response was to move me from a large public school to a small private school, which did help a little. But I found help my own way. I found drugs and alcohol the next year. The summer after eighth grade, I managed to successfully self medicate for a very long time. Overachieving on the outside while suffering miserably on the inside. Adverse childhood experiences changed me. Early trauma and prolonged exposure to toxic stress, as the research describes, changed me. Sange, I'd love to have you add more about how childhood trauma alters self perception.
Sange Omara: Yeah, well, let's talk about you and that experience that you had when you were three and a half. And also,
Sange Omara: Helen, I want to refer to one of the things that you were talking about as you were describing the symptoms of ptsd. And you said something about a statement like, we become like animals. So we are animals. We're mammals. We're mammals with a very large prefrontal cortex. That's what separates us from our counterparts, our mammalian family. And we also have opposing thumbs. So but we are, we are animals. We, we are animals with bigger brains. Trauma happens in the brain. So all of the physiological responses that you were referring to, Helen, all of the things that you were talking about, Valerie, happen in the brain. You had a three and a half year old brain, not an adult brain. And so what happens during a trauma response is, and this is simplified, is the amygdala in the limbic system or the midbrain turns on, that's the smoke detector that says, oh, perceived danger. What do I need to do to take care of myself to get out of danger and stay alive? Where your little three and a half year old brain, the amygdala turned on because you don't leave a three and a half year old alone. They're barely toddling, or they are toddling walking around, but they haven't yet developed the capacity in the brain to understand that when mom or dad, caretaker leaves that they come back. And your sense of time was that of a three and a half year old, not a 20 year old, not a 30 year old. So, yeah, 20 minutes felt like forever. So your parent left, you went into a state of panic. I'm all alone. Who's here? Who's going to help me? Nobody. And your amygdala turned on. You went into a state of panic and terror. And that created all kinds of, just a cascade of symptoms in your body. As you were talking about Helen, adrenal glands turn on, cortisol dumps into the body. Your heart rate is going up. You may have trouble catching a deep breath and breathing properly. Your thoughts begin to race. Your, you can feel your body tense up. So this is a state that allows us to protect ourselves somehow.
Helen Sneed: So.
Sange Omara: But little kids aren't equipped to handle that kind of a state for any length of time. What happens then is the brain gets stuck. Brain functioning gets stuck. So your mother comes back and instead of offering any kind of comfort, she reinforces. Oh, you were fine, right, my brave little soldier? Oh, the fact that you're not crying, you're not freaking out in front of me, you were doing that inside and not able to verbalize or express. So this is how I want you to be. Yes, this is. This is who you, Valerie, my brave little soldier, are. So you didn't have an opportunity to down regulate your brain functioning. Your nervous system did not have the opportunity to be soothed, to down regulate, to calm down, to settle down. So what tends to happen in these kinds of experiences is our amygdala doesn't stop, it'll get stuck at that particular point of functioning. It also interferes with, in adults, the activity of the prefrontal cortex. But remember, a three and a half year old's prefrontal cortex isn't even operational. It doesn't come online until around the age of 13.
Valerie Milburn: So.
Sange Omara: Your brain, your nervous system didn't have an opportunity to settle down, to calm down, to feel a sense of relief. So you didn't get to recover.
Helen Sneed: Because.
Sange Omara: Of that, because of how overwhelming that experience was. The way your brain knew how to tolerate it was to dissociate. You left your body, which is a very creative way of dealing with an untenable situation. What three and a half year old can adequately protect an infant, they can't. They don't know how. And so when you're that overwhelmed, how do you cope? You have to get out of that sense of terror. And so you did this really remarkable and creative thing that we all have the capacity to do. You dissociated you left your body.
Helen Sneed: Well explanation there you there you have the truth about dissociation, which is something we both suffer from it. And it always helps me to have someone professional describe it because I think it's very difficult to tell people what it's like if they haven't experienced it. Now Valerie, this business of your looking at the impact of the childhood abuse on yourself, your identity, etc. How does this how is this reflected in the diagnosis of complex ptsd?
Valerie Milburn: Complex PTSD is a psychological disorder that can develop in response to exposure to an extremely traumatic event or a series of events in a context in which the individual perceives little or no chance of escape. And that can be in childhood where there is basically no chance of escape from a situation, and particularly where the exposure is prolonged or repetitive. Situations lacking a viable escape route for the victim or a perception of such an escape route can lead to complex PTSD like symptoms which can include prolonged feelings of terror, worthlessness, helplessness and deformation of one's identity and sense of self. So there are symptoms in addition to standard PTSD that come with along with complex ptsd, these are such as affect, regulation, beliefs about oneself as diminished, defeated or worthless. These can be accompanied by feelings of shame, guilt or failure related to the traumatic event. There's also difficulties in sustaining relationships and in feeling close to others. In addition to the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder, an individual with complex PTSD experiences emotional dysregulation, negative self beliefs and feelings of shame, guilt or failure regarding the trauma as well as interpersonal difficulties. Helen, I think now is a good time for you to share some of your journey as you do live in recovery with complex ptsd. What do you think?
Helen Sneed: I do and I am reluctant in a way to get into this, but I think you'll come to see why. Something that comforts me is Brene Brown said, what we don't need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human. And so I'm having to overcome a lot of shame as I speak because I am called upon to speak the unspeakable. Although I didn't remember it for many years, I was sexually abused at a very young age. Now I have no memories before the age of 8, but I do know I felt so dirty and low that I should live in the barn with the animals. Although I didn't know it. Amnesia is a very typical response to trauma. The events are so terrorizing and outside normal reality that the mind cannot assimilate them. The trauma is lodged inside the victim's mind, and it stays as fresh as the day it happened and is destined to be reactivated every time something happens in the past that resembles the original abuse. So unless treated, the impact on a child whose brain is still developing, as we just heard, can be permanent. In 1981, I got sick. This is when I was an adult, obviously, and I entered therapy for the next 40 years. Now I was aware of the cyclical nature of my illness. Why can't I have a bad day or week? I would ask. Why do I go all the way back to h*** and have to start from scratch and dig my way out again? I said it's as if there were rusty old railroad tracks in my mind that I inevitably followed. Regardless of how many new tracks I laid down, I always ended up going down those old ones.
Helen Sneed: For 20 years, none of my doctors could answer these questions. Finally, I sought a consultation for the umpteenth time because I was so suicidal. On my way home, I stopped at Barnes and Noble and randomly bought a book called Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman. I read the book in one setting, closed it and thought, so that's what happened to me. I was on just about every page. I had 26 out of 26 symptoms for PTSD based on childhood abuse. So thus I was sent for treatment with PTSD expert and my life changed completely overnight. This doctor persuaded me to quit my high profile job and go into full time treatment. Otherwise she didn't think I would live much longer. She took over full responsibility for my life, not only my treatment. I can't express how much power she had over me. You see, she was the authority figure, she had the knowledge and she educated me well about the illness and would validate my symptoms as they emerged and frankly increased and increased. So I learned a lot intellectually, but the relationship itself was extremely unhealthy. So I had a lot of treatment methods. Medication, talk therapy, EMDR had to stop because I said I was too suicidal. Dialectical behavior therapy, group therapy, bodywork, outpatient programs. But even when I was completely out of control with my symptoms and very suicidal, she wouldn't hospitalize me because she said hospitals didn't understand PTSD and could be very triggering. So intellectually I learned a great deal about ptsd, but I went straight downhill. For five years under her care, the trauma cycles became so frequent that I was often in a state of relentless hyper arousal. And it's, it's like an manic episode. You're just up high and you're just racing along, but it's in a state of unbearable agony and you can't stop and come down and my symptoms were overwhelming and crippling, cutting, suicidal ideation and attempts, migraines, dissociation, eating disorders, excessive weight gain and loss, insomnia, paralysis, poverty and complete isolation from the world and people. I was consumed by self loathing, shame, anger and hatred of my body. I weighed 220 pounds. I felt my life was over. I seldom left my apartment and couldn't even make it to therapy. We resorted to very expensive phone calls for the majority of our appointments for the last two years. One day out of the blue, my doctor told me I was hopelessly sick. I would never recover and I would never work again. Well, I was in terrible shape and deeply shocked by her contempt and betrayal. But I looked at her and said, you know I will devote the rest of my life to proving you wrong.
Valerie Milburn: And you did prove her wrong. You now live in recovery. Thank you Helen for sharing such a difficult part of your journey.
Helen Sneed: Well, this brings us to the close of our topic. Following immediately is episode 15 where we'll continue with treatment methods and living in recovery with ptsd. We both will tell our own stories of recovery and how we manage PTSD in our lives today. So please join us for the second part of this vast and rich subject.
Valerie Milburn: And now it's time for our traditional mindfulness practice. What is mindfulness? I always give a definition. Mindfulness is the practice of being hyper aware of the moment it is being in the present, acknowledging what you are thinking and feeling and accepting this, accepting it without judgment. Being mindful is about immersing yourself in the present moment to the extent that you are fully aware of everything you are experiencing in that moment. Let's get mindful. Our practice today is called taking a break Mindfully. If you can, try now to participate in one of your frequent methods of taking a break while being mindful to the act. For example, if you can take out your phone or tablet, pay attention to your state of mind as you do so. Can you be fully present as you begin scrolling through
Valerie Milburn: through social media, playing a game, or reading a news story? Use the sense of sight as the object of your awareness. Watch what you are doing as you do it. Pay attention to the picture as a whole and pay attention to the individual parts of what you are seeing. Notice colors, shapes, movement, anything that grabs your attention as you click the screen or interact with your phone. Be mindful of the interaction between your body and the device. Whenever you take a break, do so mindfully attending to the actions with a gentle awareness. Don't judge yourself for taking a break. Be proud you are using your break to take care of yourself and cultivate mindfulness. Thank you for being mindful with me.
Helen Sneed: Thank you Valerie. This was a good day for it. And many thanks to you Sange for teaching us so much and for your generosity and compassion. We want to thank our listeners for being with us and for your participation. As I've said, our next episode 15 will be part two of PTSD and Recovery. It's already posted and we hope you'll join us for this critical exploration. And until then, I leave you with our favorite word. Onward.